Overdose

Yesterday was one of the longest days I've had in months. Started out in Ateneo at 1030. Left for Cardinal at 1145. Got there at 1215. First ENT. Left at 130 for St. Luke's. Arrived at 2 for ortho appointment. 30 minutes late. Take note that lunch is missing. Ended at 245. Went to the second ENT supposedly only to get my vitamins. Extended until 4. Long, tedious wait. At long last, lunch before leaving the hospital. Burger King. 2-pc. BK Beef Steak, Large Onion Rings, Large Apple Juice. Got only half-full. (Fully Booked! I must get there!) Traveled to Makati for an hour until 5. Met with the agent for 45 minutes. I am running out of time! Finally, a quick journey to PowerPlant. Fully Booked. The day ended at 730. Then came the 3-hour ride to Lucena. 1045, home. I missed PI eliminations. Tired. Dead tired.

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For the many visits I've made to my ENT, it was not until yesterday that I got to ask, what food can't I eat to not make things worse? I shouldn't have asked. Crap. Peanuts, chocolates, and even eggs. I have not eaten chocolates in a while. From time to time, I would love to indulge. But how could I possibly enjoy knowing that every bite could aggravate the situation? And egg? It's not a part of my everyday diet but I do eat it often. Poached, sunny-side-up, scrambled. Now, I couldn't possible enjoy it as well. Damn. Ignorance is bliss, indeed. This kind of medication is killer medication. Worse, medicines don't make good substitutes for chocolates and eggs. Not only do they taste bad, they also cause overdose.

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Applications are nice to look at when they're almost done. A sense of relief, a sense of excitement. A sense of worry, a sense of confusion. A sense of mixed emotions. You still go over the already completed sections every time you fill out the rest of the application. Paranoia sits pretty in your head. Annoying but uncontrollable. Slave we become!

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Waiting is a time for agony. The most agonizing for many. Times become gloomy. It becomes pitch dark when you get rejected. But, oh so heavenly, when the good news comes in by the mail. We could only wait. I could only wait. If only we could evade the process. Just like how people run away from commitments. And responsibilities. And sadness. And the many other things.

But we can't. Just like on drugs, we become addicted to waiting. The thrill and the worries run in our veins the whole freakin time. We don't stop thinking. We get paranoid again. I'll make it. No, I'll fail. I don't think I'll make it. Wait, I must be there. But I won't be! What if they don't like it. What if they don't like me. What if, what if, what if!

Just like when too much medicine is taken, we become overdosed.

It just has to stop.