UK mis-advanture

somewhere along the way, something's bound to go wrong. something's bound to obstruct in my plans. just being a lil over a month away from fulfilling a childhood dream, here comes the devil wagging its tail, telling me, i can't escape poor health. and for that, it seems that my childhood dream of stepping foot on to the british soil is... gone. all gone. it disappeared just 15 minutes ago when my dad told me of his
worry that given my poor health, surviving alone in the UK, with not a single relative to run to my rescue, is an issue bigger than i had once thought. in the states, we've got relatives and friends scattered all over... maybe i shouldve slept earlier tonight. that way, i couldve escaped it. and i could live another day thinking, i am going to england.

i see where my dad is coming from. i understand the worry of parents. but i guess what eludes me is, how fucking unlucky i am to be born with this [condition], which i'd have to bear for the rest of my life. how fucking disappointing and frustrating it is to be deprived of the chance to live the dream i once thought was already on hand. one [more] month of waiting and i'm there. one fucking month. i know that when i wake up tomorrow, i will be much more disappointed than i am now. it still hasn't sunk in. but soon, it will. the two times that i have conditioned/re- into thinking i am going to the states, then to England to finally taste the sweetness of waking up to a surreal moment, unexpectedly are to be followed by a third one, a bitter and undesired reconditioning that i am back to where i started.

the US isn't a bad place. but it is just totally different when for a month and a half, you've led yourself into believing that you're headed somewhere you've always wanted to be and you've dumped the idea of being in the US. conditioning isn't so bad when things go your way. but the moment you realize they're not, fuck it. all you could think about is how life is so fucking unfair, that you sure do wish somebody else was sick instead of you, that somebody else who never lived a single day dreaming of leaving had to deal with a fucking stupid poor health, that you who are full of hopes and dreams could just live the perfect normal life, that somebody else who deserves to screw up screws up, that somebody else who doesn't deserve anything just get all the shits, instead of you, you, YOU!

im just at a loss for words. i guess this is my primary experience of the world being hell fucking unfair. i am just utterly, utterly disappointed. almost at the boundary of being mad at how things are. and fuck, i dont care that im wishing somebody else had to deal w this situation or even somebody who deserved to die was dead. i just really don't understand why things always have to go against my way. and deprive me of that one single chance which i know willl make me completelyyyy happy.

-----------------------------------------------

Talk about wasted opportunity:

Dear Adriaan Tan,

Your recent email inquiry concerning entry to study Law has been referred to the School of Law by the International Office. Currently there are some vacancies for entry to the law degree course commencing late September 2006. This is a most unusual development. As a graduate in Management and Finance with a GPA above 3.0 you would be in a strong position to qualify for an offer of a place. Normally all applicants must sit National Law Admissions test to qualify for entry. However at this late stage of the admissions cycle I can grant you exemption from this requirement for entry to Nottingham for late September.

If you wish to apply for an offer I suggest that you email your CV with full details of your academic record and including any evidence of your linguistic ability in English.


God knows how frustrated I got for getting this email. That's Nottingham baby, Top7 in the UK. And I'm left with no choice but to let it go. Damn, damn, damn!

-------------------------------------------------

Talk about waste opportunity. part 2.

Subject heading: Book Your Cardiff University Accommodation Here!!!

Dear Adriaan Kervin Tan (0642445),

Congratulations on receiving an [unconditional] offer of a place to study at Cardiff
University. In enrolling as a student at Cardiff you will become a member of a university with teaching and research of world class status. You will also have the opportunity to live in a vibrant and welcoming capital city that is an affordable place to live, with costs more than 2% below the national average in the UK.*

At Cardiff, we understand the importance that international students place on residences and are proud to be one of the very few universities in the UK that can offer all international students a single occupancy place in university residences for the duration of your course.