Am I just having too much of football?

Just like my usual habit goes, the first thing I did when I went online was look for football stuff. Of course, I was elated that Chelsea won last night against Fulham and the two goals both came from Lampard. He seems to be going back in his ol good form. I can't wait for the critics to shush and eat their words. Screw you people, screw you. Anyway, when I thought of emailing my former PolSci teacher to remind her of the recommendation letter I asked her to write for me, I just remembered that I have my part to do as well. I've been delaying things that now I only have tonight to do the 2 essays. (Tomorrow's my target.) They're rather short but I couldn't possibly risk screwing this up. Not making it to this program would mean I'd have to spend another 4 months here, that is, assuming that I would get accepted in the other program which starts later on. If not, then I stay even longer, maybe forever.

At this moment, I am still somehow struggling to identify the most important political issues surrounding the country. Or maybe, I am just worrying too much that I might write a less interesting story when I already have the issue I need in mind. All I have to do is put them in writing. Well, more than that, I also haven't given the issue/s much thought. It seems I'm back to everyone's favorite, usual way- cramming. (I miss school.) I guess I don't have a choice but to spend an hour or two thinking about this. At least of the 2 essays I need, one is only for scholarship which I can opt not to do (but would be better if I did).

My plans don't give me a definite predictable future. Going to law school foresees one becoming a lawyer in the same way that med school foresees another one becoming a doctor. We don't know which kind but at least, it's a definite 'end'. Fine, a much more definite 'end'; not definitely definite. The path I'm looking into right now don't allow that. I don't know if it's because it allows for flexibility but the whole uncertainty issue's just kinda scary. Reminds me of one book I'm reading right now, Fever Pitch by Nick Hornby, a huge Arsenal fan.

It's my book of the moment. Im halfway through with it and the beauty of the book comes from his method of relating the football stories to life. In many parts though, both exist separately, each merely as a story on its own. Im loving the book not only because I can relate to his football stories but also I can identify with some of the things that happened to him. There's a part in the book which talks about how he's such a football freak that almost everything, if not already EVERYTHING, revolves around it. For instance, he doesn't care about the future or that he doesnt have a clue about what his future will be. All that mattered was that his team won or that they played well. Even when he was already in college, he didnt give much a damn about it. Football still contained him. In a sense, his life didnt seem to have a direction. It was in that moment when I realized, I could be following the same path. Im so engrossed with the sport that while I do have plans, I feel like my life also doesn't have a definite direction, at least at the moment. It's scary to think that I find too much time for the sport. It's scary to think about the paralellism of our lives. A big what if in keeps running in my head. This whole waiting thing is kinda overwhelming. Tiring. Exciting and yet scary.