The end is the beginning is the end

Now, the real wait begins. I followed my Wednesday deadline of submitting my application even without any reply from one of my preferred recommenders. Anyway, I already got 3, which is the minimum. So I guess my application's fine and will be ready for review when the 3rd prof submits her part.

Really, I'm being bugged by my fear of not getting accepted. Not to mention that I have my visa interview in 2 weeks' time, which I should also worry about. It. really. scares. me. The world really hasn't been very supportive of me and my plans. Ehem, U K. I actually don't know which of the 2 is the bigger worry, the visa or the Master's. Getting denied a visa means I don't get to do CS (and maybe even Master's) anymore but not getting into the Master's means my future is doomed. I think I wouldn't know where to pick up from if that happens. Start from scratch? I don't even have a Plan B in case things screw up! So the scratch remains a friggin scratch. It's never gonna turn into a blueprint, a manuscript, a biography, an autobiography! LOL. I hope my being a sucker for inspirational songs would take effect in these 2 significant moments of my life. Like, for once, come on. Just let things happen for me! I. need. to. be. happy. I hope I made myself clear.

If things screw up either way, things half-end for me. That ending will be the beginning of the upcoming series of (or more) screw ups. Then that becomes the real end for me. And then I disappear.