devoid of football...almost.

Bye Blogger.

2007-06-24T10:45:00.000+08:00

This blog has moved to its new home.

http://chugginglongislandwhilesinging.wordpress.com

Long Post, Part 2: Freaky Encounters

2007-06-24T07:25:00.001+08:00

I don't know why I always have some weird encounters with Koreans. Okay, so far I've only had two but let's make it three by including that Cho guy who was responsible for the shooting at Va. Tech. I am aware this will pass for a bad generalization. However, I can't be blamed if the only encounters I had with Koreans turned out to be freaky. The only one that isn't is that with my friend whom I met in DC. He's way far from these two, which you are about to hear.

On my way here to CA, I was seated beside a Korean mom. (She told me she was flying here to visit her son or something like working on papers for the citizenship of his son. Whatever.) 1, 2, 3 hours into the flight she was fine. She was decent and friendly and CALM. There was no hint of her being... Anyway, then came the breakfast. Instead of getting soda or water or juice, the lady decided she wanted red wine. So she got it. I thought, it shouldn't be so bad. After all, many girls drink that. They get drunk alright but a little bottle shouldn't hurt. After the meal, she took some medication. Okay, she was still fine. And then it happened. The lady started going through her stuff. She had so many bags with her, handbag and plastic bags from Duty Free in the airport. At first I thought she was just looking for something so important she already had to look for it. But boy was I wrong. 4th hour, 5th, 6th... she just wouldn't stop. She kept hitting me as she tried to 'look' for something underneath her seat, the guy in front of her's seat, my seat and the lady to her left's seat. I couldn't freakin get sleep! She was pulling out all the stuff from the bags, now they're scattered all over her seat. And she kept standing up. She even kept talking to me in KOREAN! And I already told her I don't speak and AM NOT Korean. I even pretended to sleep just so she would shut up. But she wouldn't! That lady!!! Later on she started throwing stuff to the guy in front of her. An empty plastic bag and then... something that seemed to me like an underwear. It was somehow confirmed by the lady seated to her left because she couldn't stop laughing I found myself laughing too. I was trying sooo hard to hold it back (I was able to, a bit) and no, it wasn't easy. Attendants had already tried to calm her down (apparently, she went to their 'station' I don't know for what but they eventually figured out something was wrong with her), and she did but only for a while. That lady just gave me my worst. flight. ever. (My sister is to blame for putting me on that seat!)

Then came my second encounter. Last Thursday, as I was on my way to The Grove riding the bus, a guy who seemed normal, somewhat bordering on looking weird, entered and sat beside me. I already kind of figured he was high the moment he started talking to the driver. He goes, it's so hot out there dude. The driver responded and he goes, I know dude. Thanks buddy. Now while that might sound normal, it was the way he said it. And the way he looked. From afar, he looked pretty decent. Like a typical Korean. A moment later, he tapped me perhaps with the chopsticks he had then asked me, Are you Korean? I go, no. Filipino. He goes, oh. I go, Are you? He said, Yeah. He continued, there are a lot of Filipinos in blah blah. A look closer reveals he's got pale lips, that stoned face, and... dirty fingernails. Plus he had a pair of chopsticks sticking out his mouth and a cigarette, which was apparently lit earlier. Under normal circumstances, I would've been utterly nice and interested to chat. But with someone looking like that, oh gosh. Those two freaky encounters with Koreans got me to putting in my yahoo messenger status, What's up with Koreans? Really though, how could I have such freaky encounters with the freaky people?

To continue my seemingly inexhaustible list of freaky encounters, yesterday on my way to Beverly Hills, again inside the bus, a black lady sat beside me. Something in my mind told me, something's wrong with her even before she sat. One minute passed, then two and three, there was nothing. So I thought, well, I was wrong. Then again, I was mistaken. All of a sudden, just like the Korean mom, she started mumbling. I couldn't grasp what she was saying but she was saying something. Then she just started pointing to something, although her arms were not fully extended. It was at that point when all my freaky encounters came on a flashback. The Korean mom, the Korean dude, then this one. I couldn't remember those in the past but I'm positive there were also a lot of that because I can remember thinking about the same question: why the hell am I surrounded by insane people? Oh gosh, I thought. I hope this isn't a preview of what my life will be for the next year and in the future.

Long Post, Part 1: The World and Me

2007-06-24T04:25:00.000+08:00

I am thinking about creating a regular post in this blog called Reasons. Before, I didn't believe that things happen for a reason. If ever I did, those rare moments that I did, that was because the events were in my favor. Many of my friends know about my supposed departure for UK last year and how the plan all came crushing down. They also knew how pissed I was, how mad I was that it didn't push through. I was trying to pull some answers down from heaven. I guess it even reached the point that I was angry at God that it happened. For months, I couldn't understand why it had to happen. I used to think that whatever the reason for it, if ever it had any, it was stupid and pure shit. Eventually though, things started to fall into place. I sort of figured out not really why I didn't get to go but rather why I am doing this now (or maybe so I could do this and DC). And it's not really just in big events like this that I find a reason. Even in the small daily things that happen, God makes a revelation- something that at the spur of the moment just makes you realize why so and so happens. Reasons could even be as big and noble-sounding as wanting to save the world from poverty. I think I will do this. I'd love to see how people react to my personal revelations and assigned/identified reasons.

The trip to 90210 yesterday was wonderful and tiring. The traveling took more than an hour and one can see nothing but Mexcian establishments. But past a certain street, it all becomes Beverly-ish. Classy, high-end, pleasant to the eyes. A little bit farther it becomes even more pleasant as it starts to look like a tour. To one's right, he can see the famous 'Hollywood' sign and be much closer to it as they approach the destination. As a Filipino however, it was also lovely seeing Jollibee, if I'm not mistaken along Beverly Boulevard. First thought in my mind was, finally, I saw Jollibee. Made me miss it and want to eat there (though I'm sure it won't be as good as the original.) Anyway, about 90210. it was a bit difficult walking around at first because of the sun. I was walking from one street to another, looking for shops to see and CPK! And Crocs! Those were precisely the reasons I went there and I never found both of them! I even called 411 to ask about both and still! Worse, I was told there's no Crocs in BHllls. Only in Santa Monica, which if I took by taxi would've cost me some $30! I decided then to just make SM my next agenda. Tomorrow probably. (I kinda want to get the Crocs badly). I didn't get a lot yesterday since I've already shopped the day before at The Grove. I just decided I wanted to walk around and see the place. Pretty good, I must say. High class, only, it's not for me. :D I walked almost the whole stretch of N Canon, Dayton, Brighton, Beverly and Rodeo Dr. I think I even got to Roxbury, Bedford and Camden Dr. The side I didn't get to see was the South side. Probably next time.

Last night, I had a horrible, horrible dream. I believe that dreams mean something so I decided to go look up for the meaning. And this is what came out:

To dream that a house is on fire, indicates that you need to undergo some transformation. If you have recurring dreams of your family house on fire, then it suggests that you are still not ready for the change or that you are fighting against the change. Alternatively, it highlights passion and the love of those around you.

Transformation? What kind of transformation do I need to undergo? It was the first time I dreamed of that so the second interpretation doesn't apply. As for the third, that sounds better... and more stable. So I guess I'll take that.

Lately, I've been listening a lot to Maroon 5. How could I have not known for almost 5 years that they got some BRILLIANT songs? It even started out that I don't like This Love and She Will Be Loved. Now, apart from Journey and Michael Buble (I still have to listen to the new songs in his new album), Maroon 5 also becomes a favorite. Defo. And then some Bon Jovi. Simple Plan remains as another one, though I haven't really been listening to them lately. So remember these bands: Maroon 5. Journey. Simple Plan. Bon Jovi. Michael Buble (I wanna classify him as a band =p).

Know what, I noticed that lately, my singing hasn't been that good. Seriously. I'd kick your ass if you tell me I've always sounded bad. No, I haven't. I used to sound so much better. Okay, just better. But now, I can't seem to sing some good notes. Probably it's because I got sick before I got here in CA.

I don't think there's anything else I'd like to write about. I've pretty much covered everything I had in mind prior to this writing. Or except that now I'm thinking about moving this blog to Wordpress, too just like I did my footie blog. And thank God it's doing well. More than 1,200 hits already only after 3 weeks or so. Certainly feels good.

PS Some of my friends from DC suggested a Vegas reunion. OMG. C'mon. I would fuckin' love that. PLEASE let's do that. If not though, there might be a Vegas trip with IPPAM class sometime next month. Vegas, Vegas, I am here.

PS2 This should end. I've basically spent my whole afternoon blogging. And singing.

Late realization...

2007-06-21T03:16:00.000+08:00

This is way overdue but...

Alcohol and club don't go well togeher for me. One can give me alcohol but not in a club. Or one can bring me to a club, just don't give me alcohol.

PS I need a car. I would never like CA until I get one... or until I get to go around without having to spend so much for a cab. [Trust me, this PS will be a regular thing on my entries.]

First (Few) Days' Funk

2007-06-20T10:16:00.000+08:00

Thank God for the orientation; I was saved from insanity. Finally yesterday I met the people I was gonna be classmates with. 33/34 in the class. About 14-15 from Taiwan, 7 Americans, ... 1 Filipino. Ehem. The orientation itself was pretty long and dull. BUT. The lunch prior to that? A winner. I laughed so hard and that more than compensated for the 3-4 days I didn't laugh while stuck here in my room. (Well, it's not like I laugh everyday anyway. Point is, boredom FINALLY ended.) Everyone seems awesome but the 3 other guys (all homegrown Asians) I was on the table with were just hilarious.

Tomorrow, class starts. Statistics. Awesome. Okay, so it is scary that we will be having the program director for our professor. I heard he's good but the people from the previous batch gave me that face when I told them we were gonna have him. And it kind of starts to freak me out too. I'm not sure whether to get scared, really. After all, we had the program director and THE DEAN of our school for our statistics back in college. I did okay. It would've better were it not for probabilities, permutations and combinations. Ugh, disgusting. Point is, our professor now is "the Boss" as they aptly call him, but it shouldn't be so bad. Anyway, I don't want to enter his class every single time freakin out. Confidence, that's what Ateneo gave me. Naks. Seriously though, while the Stat we're doing this time may be different, it shouldn't be THAT different. And therefore, I shouldn't suffer. Shame if I do. I came here confident I will do well. Okay there will be stressful times, but it's all part of it. Plus, I like stress. :D

Speaking of stress, at the moment, I wanna do several things. Join USC's grad student's org, be part of our class' 'senate'. I just miss doing extra-curricular work. Org work. Stress work. It's probably one of the things I miss most being out of school. I tried to get involved while in Georgetown but the time just didn't permit it. This time, I have a lot of chances. So I wanna do it. Basically, in the 'senate', as in the real Senate, what one does is represent a certain group of constituents- to voice out the students' concerns and make a change. USC's Graduate and Professional Student Senate is the organization for all 14,000+ grad students of the university. How I'm gonna make a big contribution, I don't know. :D But I do want to. (After all, if I'm just gonna be stuck here in the campus the whole time, might as well keep myself busy with work). Then, I need to get a GPA of 3.5. Impossible but I'll keep dreaming. That will allow me to apply for Pi Alpha Alpha, an honor society for people from my school, SPPD. Apart from that, I would want to get a part-time job. In campus (I don't have a choice).

About being stuck, PLEASE. I. NEED. A. CAR. I've never been out of campus since I got here last Thursday. Fine, it hasn't been long. But seriously, soon it will be. I repeat, I NEED A CAR. (This is starting to freak me out.)

PS I saw I posted an "A&F Article" as I was scrolling down my blog. I can't remember posting that one. Though I'm quite sure it was me. A&F e. ;)

Is this California?

2007-06-17T18:11:00.000+08:00

This post is especially for my friend Meanne who's been bugging me to update this one. So here it is.

It's been 2 days since I got in California. One can only think that life so far is wonderful. After all, the words luxury, fun, and extravagant lifestyle all seem to match with the place. It's been complete opposite for me, however, at least for now. This isn't quite like DC where once out of the apartment, you can easily find your way to different places. I didn't even get to use Lonely Planet's guide anymore. Right at the same block are Starbucks, Capitol Lounge, a pretty decent bar in which one could have brunch (and more), a little more walking and there's Bank of America, on the other side is a FedEx Kinko's and when you walk further down and cross the street, it's the Church. The metro station is also just 2 blocks away. For that I love DC so much more.

Here in California though, it's been tough. It might actually be tough for the coming days and months. I live right outside campus, so going to school wouldn't be a problem. But I don't intend to just go to school. One thing that makes California a wonderful place (or so I heard) are those places that create the buzz. Beverly Hills. Sunset Boulevard. Hollywood. Disneyland. Universal Studios. Even UCLA. But not a single one of them could be reached just by walking. You just don't wanna do that. Everything must be driven to. If you don't have a car, too bad for you. Well, I don't so too bad for me. I haven't tried going to any of those places riding a cab. But I suppose, with the traffic on those freeways, which I unfortunately experienced on my first day here, I believe the fare would be plain horrible.

Second thing, the food. Yesterday, I just had one full meal. At 630pm. Then my second 'meal' was at 1am- a box of Chicken in a Biskit. I promised last night that today I was gonna have some gooood meal to compensate for the starvation I experienced last night. BUT. How could I have known that hailing a cab here in LA is such a no-no? Therefore, even without a specific place in mind but definitely with a plan to eat somewhere good, I tried hailing a cab... and I failed. (I was actually trying to hail a cab to head somewhere where I could buy a refill for my prepaid phone. Then I realized later on, after I went grocery shopping, it wouldn't have been wise to have traveled 2 miles just to get a refill since there's a nearby T-Mobile dealer here.) So for my supposedly gooood meal for the day, I ended up at Burger King eating a Bacon Double Melt meal. Count that as my ONLY meal for today. Just about an hour ago, I decided to munc on Ritz because I could hear my stomach grumbling. It's been like that for several hours. I got some more food from the grocery today but all of them could only be cooked with an oven. But I had second thoughts because....

Third thing, I think the rat that's been going around in here came from there. When I opened it last night to look if it was clean, and then closed it again, that's when the rat started roaming around the place. This morning, when I woke up, I heard some noise coming from one of the luggages I used. Voila, the rat was in my room. Point is, the rat might've been living inside that oven for the days it's been alive. It might have been pissing and pooping on the racks. The thought is just plain sick and disgusting. I don't know how the hell I am gonna use that oven.

Fourth, I loved my life in DC because there were so many people I could bug whenever I want. But here, I don't even have a roomie! Before, I would've said I would've preferred not having a roomie than having a roomie I don't like. Well now I'm not gonna say that. Because there is such a thing as having a roomie that you like. And I don't have that. The dorm-mate that I have here is younger than me and has been here for 2 years or so, which means he already has his own friends. And I don't. I've been stuck here in my room for the last 3 nights, letting time pass by chatting with some college friends (oh thank you!) and that's it. But it's been only 3 days. I don't wanna conclude things just yet. I will let a week or two pass before I pass the judgment. That's exactly why I can't wait for Monday, the day I meet the people I will be with for the next year.

I could only hope that I make some good friends, like I did back in DC. And that by the end of next week, I would no longer have to rant about being by myself, stuck here in my room, with nothing but biscuit to eat at midnight and nowhere else to go... because this isn't how I envisioned California life to be.

Bummer.

2007-05-27T13:27:00.000+08:00

I could be facing the most boring month ever. Everything, as in everything, just had their season finales. Grey's Anatomy ended last week. So did Heroes. And of course, the Premiership, soon the Championship and other lower Leagues. Bundesliga is also over. Serie A is about to end this week, so is La Liga. What the heck is there left for me to watch? Even listen to? The Gavin Peacock Show just had its last episode yeterday and I'm not sure if 606 would still have the Football Phone-in Show. Erm, I don't think so.

Grey's Anatomy Season 4 starts Fall of 2007, which would be around mid-September. And Heroes is scheduled to come back September 24. I suppose other shows I watched before like Veronica Mars are on season break, too. Perhaps I can only count on football. Team's pre-season starts in July (Chelsea in California!!!), so that will be a month and half of wait for me. But there are also international friendlies soon. Next Friday is England's friendly against Brazil and on June 6, it's Euro 2008 Qualifier as England play Estonia (they better win this or they could face their exit).

DNA

2007-05-19T01:06:00.000+08:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

3 am rantings.

2007-05-16T03:02:00.000+08:00

So here are two things that tick me:

One people who talk like this:
thx sa lyter! wahehe.. eyOn..nu b mssbi q?.. adek ata 2 sa DOTA dumayo p ng caloocan eh pra ln mag laroo.. awee.. olweys redi sa lyter.. tpos lam nio pg nkta nio 2 prng d nadilat.. awee..

THE PERFECT DISPLAY OF EXCESSIVE EFFORTS TO BE CUTE AND COOL. Plus, A MANIFESTATION OF LAZINESS AND STUPIDITY.

Point #1: People speak (and text) that way because they think it's cute and lovely and sweet. Fuckin' hell no. It sounds stupid, it sounds irritating, and it sounds pathetic.

Point #2: How difficult can it be to type the whole word, instead of taking away every single AEIOU (yes, I know they're called vowels) from the word?!?! If one's too fuckin' lazy to type the whole thing, then JUST CALL THE PERSON! He is merely promoting stupidity. And he himself is stupid!

Point #3: They sound so pathetic and disgusting and stupid, I hope they get obliterated from the face of the earth. Okay, that's harsh. Feel free to suggest something less harsh.

And two, people who try making fashion statements by wearing football kit (or any other sport for that matter) when they're not even fans!

Point #1: Kits are there for fans to display their support for a team and the sport itself. Kits are made for FANS. NOT POSERS.

Point #2: Kits are made for some specific purpose. Not only to be worn, but to be worn by PLAYERS OR SUPPORTERS. Those kits mean something. They are not merely fashionable items. They stand for something deeper than mere social image.

Point #3: KITS ARE MADE FOR FANS. NOT FOR NON-FANS. NOT FOR TRYING-HARD INDIVIDUALS TRYING TO BE DIFFERENT (then be naked if they wanna be different!). NOT FOR POSERS. NOT FOR PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY MEAN AND WHAT THEY STAND FOR.

.5

2007-05-15T13:52:00.000+08:00

Okay, so I thought I was done being grade-conscious, or at least I thought I won't be for the DC program. (It's the parties that matter) But I still am. I'm bugged by one of the grades I got, I want it to be .5 higher. Just that. But I didn't get it. It's been bothering me the past... 3 hours.

Crap.

Politics, Football and the Expensive Life.

2007-05-15T00:03:00.000+08:00

So this is my first post since I got home. I only have some random things to say.

Of course, this has to start with football. I've realized, I don't know if it was just recently or some time ago (and the idea just got buried under the piles of information from overstudying in DC), that I want a job with a UK football team- whether it is with the management or... well, where else could I be given my degree. I couldn't possibly be a therapist, a manager, let alone a player. But given that I'm pursuing Public Policy, I don't know how it's ever gonna happen. But seriously, I want nothing else in this world but THAT. Finally, I know what I REALLY want. No hesitations whatsoever. I know I've been a fan for only 11 months. But the hell do I care?

I was talking to a friend about grad school. Well at first about leaving then we got to talking about it and how it would cost so much. She's going to Australia next month (yay for her leaving!) to do her MSc (or is it MA?). Anyway, damn these countries. No wonder they become so wealthy. Education costs so much especially in the US!!! She's spending close to 400 Aussie dollars per unit and she's having 60. Converting it... I actually would rather not. It just costs a lot, plain and simple. Let's leave it at that. I told her how much mine would cost and... she's surprised by it, too. That made me realize, any other higher education I will get in the future, I will do it elsewhere. That is, for my MBA, I want London Business School. At least that's top priority. More of a dream actually. Then if not, I can go to Spain, France, or... somewhere in UK again. Ahh, there goes my dream of seeing the world again. Still alive. Very much so. Point is, my MA in the CA shall be my last in the US.

I just finished reading Soccer in Sun and Shadow. Loved it. It is one book I am quite sure I will read again. FYI, I don't read books for the second time. I don't think I've ever done that because I think it's a waste of time, especially in my case where I have a lot waiting to be read. Anyway, it is simply an excellent football book containing history of football especially in Latin American countries. Eduardo Galeano, the author, is from Uruguay. Now I started on one of the books I got from CPAC, Conservative Political Action Conference. I'm lovin it. It's called Bankrupt: The Intellectual and Moral Bankruptcy of Today's Democratic Party. I came to DC without siding with a particular party. Actuall I sorta did, answering 'liberal democrat' to one of the questions asked by TFAS for the applicant profile. But having spent time in DC made me realize, I answered wrong. And reading about the Democrats' screw ups makes me happy. :D (For one, I worked for a GOP representative. Two, I am a conversative. So yeah, what the hell was I thinking saying I was a liberal democrat? Yuck.)

I thought removing the indelible ink on my index finger was gonna be a biatch. But it wasn't. I only had to use alcohol and it was gone. Somebody else could have voted twice today. The last time I checked, 10 out of the 12 I voted for senator are in the unofficial 12. Awesome. And no, I didn't vote, never will do vote, for an actor/actress for Senate. Gosh, I hope these people make use of their time where they're best at spending it, acting. What the hell do they know about governance anyway? Sheesh, please stay at your field!!! What the hell are you thinking running for office?!?! Idiots!!! So unless you're some smart ass,, highly educated, from either UP, AdMu, or even DLSU (feel free to name other schools and I'll approve), don't even bother! OKAY?!?!!? Thank God not a single one of them is in the 12 so far. Thank YOU.

I am appearing for the visa interview on Friday and... I don't think I'm preparing for it as much as I did when I applied the first time. Sheesh, I hope this doesn't mean anything, especially the receipt I have of the SEVIS fee payment... is shitty. Long story. I should be able to fix it by tomorrow night. Actually I feel like I already have more than half of what I need. I MUST GET THIS VISA or I miss seeing Chelsea. Oh my, Chelsea, I will see you in July. Oh my, I am gonna pass out. Oh... oh...

Know A District- VA11

2007-05-09T02:36:00.000+08:00

This is seriously one of the funniest Colbert segments I've seen. Or maybe it's just because I always saw TMD with a serious face and seeing Colbert act his usual self is just amazing.

How do we say goodbye?

2007-05-02T13:22:00.000+08:00

If there was something I feared the most coming to Washington, DC, it wasn't that I won't make any friends or that I would be spending so much I'd exhaust all the money I had a month earlier than i was supposed to, or that I won't do well in my exams. Rather it was that it would be so hard saying goodbye to people. It couldn't get any truer.

I admitted to so many people a couple of days before I left that saying goodbye was my weakest spot. I even repeated it twice or thrice to a couple of them. I wasn't ashamed of admitting it, I thought it was normal. But I was ashamed of how much I wept on our last night. I could only thank the party on the roof and at Hawk 'N' Dove for distracting me for a moment from the sadness that had been clouding over me the whole... night. Even during the graduation and the packing, all I had in mind was, I was gonna say goodbye soon and that was it. Part of me was telling it would be difficult, but also part of me made me believe it was gonna be easy. It sucked that it had to be the former.

I came to DC with no expectations of being attached to people so much I would be affected so badly by the goodbyes. I knew at first leaving was gonna be difficult, after all that's what I feared most. But I didn't know it was gonna be THAT hard. I am not the most sociable person, that's what I've been telling people. So I didn't expect all of this. (It actually took me some time to be close and attached to the people I considered my really good friends towards the end of the program, especially that 7 of them was already a group when I started hanging out with them.) Add to that the fact that I am a very judgmental, picky person. I don't just make friends with people, let alone talk to them about anything. I can assure you that if you put me with at least 5 people from the program, we will have a conversation which will not last for 2 minutes. It's a matter of being comfortable. I'm glad to have been comfortable with these people.

The first time tears ran down my face, if I remember it right, was at Hawk 'N' Dove. (Everyone was just too crazy back in the apartment, crying wasn't even an option. (Now I sound weird saying the word crying.)) Anna started it, although it lasted only for a while, which was just right or I would've made a complete fool of myself in front of all those people. Then came the dancing and the drinking and the picture taking. I had enough to put on the videos. Then back to the apartment to hang out for the last time. It was at that point when I completely lost it. One of the girls saw me... It was crazy. As if it wasn't enough, another one saw me back in the apartment. I just didn't want to leave.

I just realized that the fear came from leaving behind familiarity. I am the type of person who, once attached, becomes reliant. I rely on the people to go out and have dinner with, visit at night and bug, walk around and just sing without minding people hearing it, and just hanging out. From this experience, I am sad that I had to leave the whole place behind and along with that, the people. The idea of going separate ways is exciting. I can only wait to see the bright future these people all have. But along with that is the idea of losing touch, of not seeing these people ever again. It is just scary. Indeed, we all have to move on and see what lies ahead. All I could do is try to keep in touch and... miss them. And it sucks that way.

I will miss the times when I'd just show up in the girls' apartment, anytime, to have some of the food they cooked or to just scare them by moving around their things. I will miss the times when I'd just drop by and hang out with the guys from downstairs until 3-4 in the morning, falling asleep while they're eagerly watching a movie, and just talking about random stuff. I will miss the girls cooking for me. I will miss being advised to start eating veggies and stop eating unhealthy foods. I will miss a friend who just wouldn't stop chugging on diet coke and starbucks coffee every single day, until the last 2 weeks of the program. I will miss traveling to the other apartment to meet up for some late night clubbing somewhere, chinatown or dupont or just in everyone's favorite along Penn Ave. I will miss the parties held in 234 6th St. and beer pong and lebanese chicken and just about everything. I will miss going to Hawk N Dove with them and just dancing like crazy, not minding whether other girls thought of me as crazy (you damn black nigga, mind your own!). I will miss getting drunk and just babbling and going home with some people and hanging out some more. I will miss having late night AIM chats with some of them, from ranting about school work and how exhausted we both are to talking about personal life. I will miss teasing and getting teased. I will miss the good laughs and the little ones. I will miss the drunken nights and pictures taken when I am the only one left sober. I will miss living with them in the same building. I will just miss them, entirely.

Maybe I did not spend enough time with the people from the other building. And it was really unfortunate. Most of the time, it was just Anna, Nikki, Jochen, Javi, Lauren, Matt, Sarah, Jae, Pavol, and Warren. I'm sure if I did, there would've been more memories to keep, considering the number of parties they had. But I didn't. And not that it was lacking nor was I feeling the urge to have spent more time with them. It was not so much the place as it was the people. And how you make extraordinary moments out of ordinary ones.

As Matt said in his blog, keeping in touch through facebook or any other means online isn't as good as actually talking to them in person. Online communication can only provide so much emotions and personality, we can only see half or even less of what the other person is trying to send across. As if that wasn't cruel enough, while time will heal us soon, my number one fear now is that as time heals the pain of leaving behind the places and most especially the people, it will take with it the tight bond we've built. I fear that one day, when we meet again, it would no longer be the same people I've meet 3 months ago. We have to admit, time does that. We go our own ways and be successful our own ways. But a part of us also forgets some part of the cherished past that we become cold towards some things, as if forgetting and being separated come hand in hand with growing up and becoming successful. I hope it doesn't get to a point where all we, I, could say to them is, Hi. If these happen, then the goodbyes given that lonely day of April really meant goodbye. A goodbye to the place, a goodbye to the people, a goodbye to the friendship.

At the end of all this, we could only ask, How do we say goodbye to the people we've come to love?

Simple: We don't.

Something Special for My Something Special

2007-05-02T12:43:00.000+08:00

These are the videos I made to immortalize the wonderful experiences I had in Washington DC. The end of the program signifies the end of everyday Starbucks, Hunan Dynasty, and working/studying. It also signifies the end of night visits in either the guys/girls apartment. It also means no more Hawk N Dove at 11pm/12mn and endless drinking. But despite all these, it doesn't mean the end of friendship. Here are the vids:

Part I

Part II

Part III

A&F Article

2007-04-14T16:54:00.000+08:00

I just found this article somewhere:

Two young, shirtless men in low-slung jeans greet you at the door. Disco music pounds out, the air is full of a sickly sweet scent and it is so dark, customers get lost and panic. This is shopping Abercrombie & Fitch style. Savile Row will never be the same.

I've been working undercover there after I took a job as an in-store model at the multi-billion dollar U.S. clothing company's new London store - their first venture into Europe.

My aim was to report from the inside. It happened by chance. You don't see many Canadian woman in turquoise wellies on public transport in London, so I had already noticed the store's talent scout when she noticed me, at a London Tube station. I was curious. So was she.

"You've got just the right look to come and work for Abercrombie & Fitch" she told me. I was taken aback, flattered, but had no idea what she meant.

"Fantastic" I replied. Abercrombie & Fitch? The name rang a bell. Shortbread? Why would a biscuit firm want to employ me?

She explained that Abercrombie & Fitch was a clothing store and that they were hiring "models" to "just hang out" around the shop, wearing the company's clothing.

The penny dropped. I'd seen those risque; posters of a muscular man with a builder's bottom adorning London buses. I knew this homoerotic campaign has caused a stir.

This, I realised, was the American chain whose use of blatant sex to market their U.S. preppy style has attracted critics as well as custom. They promise a store full of "gorgeous kids".

And this woman was asking me to be one of them. Was this her job, then - hanging around Tube stations offering jobs to anyone she fancied the look of? I wondered if I looked particularly unemployed. She asked what I did. I told her I was a freelance writer but had some time to spare. She gave me a number and told me to call.

The interview room at the Abercrombie & Fitch headquarters was packed. The woman interrogator asked which three words I'd use to describe myself.

I repeated what the girl before me had said "I'm approachable and friendly". My interviewer smiled and wrote this down.

She informed us that the company had a "tagline" which we would have to use when greeting customers. She explained, very seriously, that it was, "Hello, how are you?"

"How did you come up with that?" I asked. She said a company of marketing consultants had worked intensively at developing it.

They wanted to audition me to see if I could deliver the line - this was make or break. "Hello, how are you?!" I said clearly. "Very good" she reassured me.

I had cleared my first hurdle and said four words in the right order, a test that floored some of my fellow-would-be-models - honestly.

The interviewer then asked the assembled clutch of giggly, naive, underfed boys and girls - the bony and the beautiful - what they knew about Abercrombie & Fitch.

Nobody mentioned the story that A&F supposedly sold Ernest Hemmingway the gun he used to shoot himself.

And no one mentioned the homoerotic nature of the ad campaign or the $40million outofcourt settlement in a racial and ethnic discrimination case bought by 10,000 litigants in the U.S.

One girl said she thought the store was a bit like GAP. That was the end of her. A week later the phone rang. I'd got the job. Would I come to an orientation day?

This turned out to be a crash-course in the way to hang about. We should be friendly, outgoing and portray a sexy image, they said.

Next came a lecture from a member on how to prevent clothes being stolen. "Be vigilant" suggested one of my colleagues. "No. You must never touch the customers," he said, alarmed. I think he thought vigilant was like vigilante.

We were instructed how to spot a shoplifter. Rather than confront him we should try to persuade him to buy the item as opposed to stealing it.

"I couldn't help noticing you've put a pair of jeans down your jacket, they would go very well with our new range of shirts, would you like a look?"

While I was lining up to collect the jeans - so tight I couldn't use the pockets - polo shirt and flipflops that all A&F workers wear on duty, I saw the Canadian woman who had recruited me.

"Glad you came. I thought you might write about this".

"No", I lied. A date was fixed for training. But then I got a call to work next day.

I arrive at 9am, untrained but undaunted, entering the store for the first time. It is a Grade II listed building, just off London's Savile Row.

The doors are not yet open for business and I face a sea of preciselyplaced and neatly-folded merchandise. Outside the sun shines, but in here it is so dark I keep tripping over my flip-flops.

The shop presents itself as if it were the coolest clothes shop on the planet. Aimed at 20-year-olds, the store offers polo shirts, hoodies and tight jeans. David Cameron would shop here if he thought he could get away with it.

My eyes accustom to the gloom. I confront tacky paintings of teenage boys stripped to the waist in frames that aspire to the look of a grand country house.

The theme of male near-nudity is pursued throughout. It has caused trouble. One edition of the company's catalogue had to be recalled after a storm over the explicitly naked photographs of young models.

And now I was joining the team. The in-store dance music reached a crescendo as the manager came over to talk to me.

"What?" I shouted desperately trying to lip-read. "You're working on the cash register," she shouted back.

"But I don't know how." "Haven't you been trained?" "No. Not at tills. I'm a model." "All models may be required to work the tills."

It was becoming clear what "model" actually amounted to - meant "shop assistant with come-hither looks".

My first customer, a mother with two teenage kids, purchased more than £500 of T-shirts. But by the time I had scanned and de-tagged all the items, removed the coat hangers, totalled the cost and figured out how to charge the credit card, 25 minutes had elapsed.

It was not long before I was relieved of my post at the till. Now I could "model" full time.

This meant greeting people and refolding the clothes disturbed by customers.

I tried out the tagline. "Hello, how are you," I said to a stressed looking middle-aged man. He looked at me suspiciously. More customers came into view and I repeated the line. Then a manager told me to keep "interacting".

"I am, I've spoken to everyone here".

"Yeah, but if you've said it once to someone, follow it up when you see them again. Say 'Hi, are you still all right?'"

This was mad. I didn't want to pester people. I also had no idea where things were, what we actually sold, what to do if we ran out of stock - or anything else of any use to the customer.

A woman asked if there were sizes available other than those on the shelves. "Probably" was the best I could come up with.

Next I really did get the promised training. I learned that David Beckham had come into the store. If I recognised a celebrity I was not to follow them around or ask for an autograph.

"What if I see Keith Chegwin?" I asked. The manager looked at me blankly. They clearly don't do jokes at Abercrombie & Fitch.

I threw myself even more furiously into my only practical function: pursuing customers zealously and refolding the moment they ruffled anything. Soon I couldn't stop. I was heading for an obsessive compulsive disorder.

One model told me he'd been instructed to smile till his jaw ached. The room was empty at the time: "What do they want me to smile at: the clothes?" he muttered.

The company told us it was an equal opportunity employer. Funny, because all its visible staff are young and beautiful.

The unattractive, the overweight and the disabled just don't seem to make it on to the shop floor. In fact, there is no lift and therefore no way for wheelchair users to work or shop upstairs.

As far as age goes, at 29 I was probably the oldest there. I thought that if the law permitted it, managers would have exercised quality-control over the customers, too, and I might be assigned to blow a whistle if anyone old or fat ventured in.

But employees who are not on public view are allowed to be slightly less attractive. The "impact team" is a group of workers who replenish the dwindling stock.

They are often on the shop floor but don't have to interact with customers in the same way. A manager told me: "The impact team don't need to show the visual image of the store."

She meant they could be a bit uglier. There were also the "overnighters" - nocturnal shelfstackers. Presumably it doesn't matter what they look like.

I don't get out of bed for less than £6.50. Fortunately this was A&F's hourly rate. They trade on the inexhaustable supply of beautiful dimwits for whom the excitement of being hired as "model" matters more than the pay scale. I got the impression that, ideally, they'd like us to pay them, rather than the other way round.

The men who stood semi-clothed at the entrance earned an extra £1 an hour. But they had the required A&F six-pack. The new way of selling clothes seems to be not wearing them.

Then there was the little clutch of dancers who have to jig around endlessly on a sort-of platform. Some of the customers thought this was cruel.

More importantly, customers quickly became frustrated when encountering a 45-minute queue for the changing rooms, and one shopper said the last thing she wanted when searching for her size was to have to ask a size zero model if she could try on a Large.

A & F is unlike other foreign stores that arrive in the UK and try to fit in. It is brash and all-American. But they do want to be posh. Association with the quality tailoring of Savile Row, the listed building and the statues and art work, rub uneasily against the overt use of sex to sell clothes.

There's nothing tasteful in halfnaked boys hanging around the store door. Or are we just too oldfashioned for this fusion of softcore porn and high-class pose?

As for me, I'm finished as an A&F store-boy, now I've gone to print. I can't say I mind.

You try placing a pair of blue jeans back on the right shelf among 20 other only slightly different jeans. Then try doing it in the dark, while looking sexy with an ever-ready "Hello, how are you?"

BOOKS!!!

2007-04-10T13:01:00.000+08:00

I am seriously tempted to order so many books from amazon right now and this is not good. I have like 2 months before starting on my Master's and I still have lots of books to read. At the moment, I can think of 7 off the top of my head. Browsing through the amazon website seriously doesn't help. Right now, I have the following books in mind:

1. Future Jihad, Phares
2. Back to Basics for the Republican Party, Zak
3. Winning the Future, Gingrich
4. The Other Side of Israel, Nathan
5. Why Politics Needs Religion, Sweetman
6. The Republican War on Science, Mooney
7. How Soccer Explains the World, Foer
8. Soccer in Sun and Shadow, Galeano
9. Soccer's Most Wanted, Snyder
10. Upside Down, Galeano

Good Riddance.

2007-03-29T13:00:00.000+08:00

The past couple of days, I've been listening more and more to Green Day's Good Riddance. It makes a good graduation song as one of my friends said and I kind of agree. But it also makes a good one to when the end to good things is about to come. I can't seem to stop myself from thinking every single day how I have only 1 month left here, how I'm leaving and once again going home, and how I, for the nth time, have really had the time of my life here. I won't go into details yet as to what made this experience the best time of my life. It would've been perfect if it weren't for THAT. *Hint hint, look several posts down*

Some verses from the song:

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

I'm sorry. I just hate goodbyes. I better focus on Chelsea. At least, they make me happy.

Senti.

2007-03-26T03:12:00.000+08:00

I hate and love senti songs.

This sucks.

2007-03-19T11:53:00.001+08:00

It's happening again. And it's not supposed to.

XO

2007-03-05T20:59:00.000+08:00

One is so unfortunate if the only person he doesn't like in the group had to be his roommate, who just never fails to piss him off and ruin what might pass as a perfect day every single day.

CFA

2007-03-05T06:04:00.000+08:00

As I am doing my paper at this moment for my public policy class, one of my friends is reviewing for the CFA exam. Yes, he's done with the paper. Dang. Anyway, now, I want to do it sooner. The plan is to get it somewhere between completing my MA and getting an MBA. But I want it sooner. Can I do it? I don't know. Can I take in more studying? I don't know either. Am I killing myself? I think so. Oh well.

This is funny.

2007-03-05T03:38:00.000+08:00

In a span of 3 days, 3 different people have told me how my English is so good and how I don't have an accent, which is usually the case with foreigners. That is to say, I sound just like them. So I'd pass for an American? Or a homegrown Asian for that matter? Well... One even told me I can speak it better than other Americans. I was actually expecting to hear this at least once during my whole stay here in DC. But all within a period of 3 days? That's just... funny. And it's not something amazing really. Many other Filipinos could speak just as good as me, even better. Heck, just go to Ateneo and you'll find A LOT of that.

I should be writing my paper now but it's just so tiring doing so, even just thinking about it. So I'm just blogging.

As some of my friends know, I am writing for a sports website about football. I just thought it will be good if I venture into another site. I found CaughtOffside and thought about joining that one, too. The editor said I write pretty well, but he's asking me if I could commit to submit an article every week since they don't have a regular Chelsea writer. It will be lovely to be the sole regular Chelsea writer for the site. It also means commitment not just to the site but to the club itself. God knows how much I love Chelsea. Now I'm thinking about it. Can I? For the 2 months or so that I have been part of Sportingo, I have submitted only 5 articles. Especially now that I am working and studying at the same time, I'm not quite sure if I could commit. I have my Fridays off alright, which means I could probably write on Thursday nights but it's difficult when laziness creeps in because I could be REALLY lazy. Now even writing about football/Chelsea, which was supposed to be just a hobby/pastime has become an issue for me.

And have I already mentioned how I don't wanna leave DC anymore? Oh yes, I have.

Time of my life

2007-03-03T15:52:00.000+08:00

So it seems that things are finally going my way, that it was really a good thing I didn't push through with Law in the UK. God gave me something better. Ever since I got here in the US, not really after merely finding out I got accepted to Capital Semester and that finally leaving the country was a possibility, I started believing in what people almost always say and what we also often hear, it is God's will or that God has a plan for us. As dramatic as this may sound, during the time when I was deciding which career path to pursue, I decided to just follow my heart and went for the Master's in Public Policy. Choosing among law, medicine, even computer science and this one, it was hell. But I believed in my reasons for pursuing this MA, going against the high probability of failing (USC was the only school I applied to), and I figured that following one's heart really does make sense sometimes. I got accepted to the program. I will be doing the Master's starting this summer.

However, along with that invitation for a new adventure comes (or will come) the misery of leaving DC. I know it's only been 2 months, but I've already fallen in love with it. I love it because I live near the Capitol, several bars are just a couple of minutes walk from our apartment (or even just A MINUTE! Or even LESS!), I get my daily dose of politics despite not being a hardcore politics person, I meet a lot of interesting people, the gym and the metro station are just 2 blocks away, Starbucks is right beside our apartment, I get a free copy of CQ Weekly every time, my internship is just plain wonderful-both my co-interns and the Congressman's staff... life is just comfortable and simply wonderful around here (well, except for doing household chores). I guess it's nothing short of saying, I am having the time of my life here. First taste of freedom, first taste of being responsible, first taste of intense clubbing, and I'm quite certain there will be more of that firsts.

I guess I will just have to come back here in DC once I'm done with my Master's. And I'm dead serious about it. If only I could not leave anymore. Surely, this is one of the best things ever.

17 GOP votes for HConRes63, good.

2007-02-22T11:46:00.000+08:00

I came across this interesting editorial from The Hill, one of the newspapers that circulate around DC (I'm not sure if it also goes around outside it). Remember that last week, the Congress voted on H. Con. Res. 63 supporting the troops in Iraq but is against the escalation desired by Dubya. Out of the 246 that voted for the resolution, 17 of them were Republicans including my representative. Several posts ago, I put his speech regarding that matter. I only took it to mean that he was a good man for voting against the escalation and for thinking that it's a mistake to place the American troops between the feuding Shia and Sunni; I didn't dig further to give it some political interpretation. I think the article I saw today gives quite a good one on the 17 GOP votes.

Instead of excoriating Republicans who said no to Bush’s plan, they should be privately thankful that someone in their party broke ranks. In the long run, if handled right, those “no” votes will benefit GOP candidate recruitment and electoral success in swing districts, helping the party recapture majority control.

...Republicans, both those who voted yes and no, must have been motivated by their principles rather than partisanship. Otherwise, it would have been a straight-line party vote. It speaks volumes [that] some Republicans feel so strongly about their principles that they chose to walk the hard path of defecting. It says that Republicans think. It says that Republicans listen to the people they represent. It says that Republicans are principled. It says that Republicans stand their ground even when it’s tough. These messages benefit all Republicans.

A key problem with the war in Iraq is that it’s become a partisan affair in the minds of too many Americans. And a difficulty with GOP partisan strategies regarding Iraq is that they are perceived as the personal agenda of just one man, George Bush.

The whole article can be found here

Eau de Toilette

2007-02-20T20:39:00.000+08:00

The two most addicting scents right now for me are:

Polo Black (not the double black): so many people said this smelled so good. I understood why.

and

Abercrombie Fierce: the first time I smelled this from the polo I got from A&F, I knew that if they're selling it, I'd heck get it. Apparently, they have it and so... I got it!

Parteeeh Tracks

2007-02-19T11:42:00.000+08:00

Now I know why Hawk N' Dove keeps on playing the same songs over and over again. They're addicting and they're just the best at the moment.

1. I Wanna Fuck/Love You- Akon
2. Sexy Back & My Love- JT
3. Irreplaceable- Beyonce
4. Fergalicious- Fergie (BEP)
5. Like A Prayer- Madonna
6. Hollaback Girl- Gwen Stefani
7. Smack That- Akon
8. Hips Don't Lie- Shakira
9. My Humps- BEP
10. Since U Been Gone- Kelly Clarkson

Honorable Mention: Pour Some Sugar On Me- Def Lepard

I'd dance to any of these songs anytime.

Becoming Fit?

2007-02-19T05:29:00.001+08:00

I wonder how many calories I burned last night after dancing for so long.

Chinatown Chinese Restos

2007-02-19T04:22:00.000+08:00

Every Friday. I've made it a point to go to Chinatown and try the different Chinese restaurants around. So far I've tried 3, plus one seafood (non-Chinese) restaurant. It's quite difficult to actually write a review since I've only tried a dish or two. Perhaps comments- both on the place and the food I've tried- would be more appropriate.

Legal Seafood Restaurant: 3.5-4 Spoons
The place looks classy enough for semi-/formal meetings. A good one for some casual brunch/dinner. They're located just right across McDonald's, near the metro station. The atmosphere is a bit relaxed, laid-back and cozy. The food I tried here was a Crabstick sandwich, which was for $14-16. It came with fries if I'm not mistaken. It was pretty good. The prices of the entrees and other sandwiches are a bit high-end so if you're on a tight budget, this might not be the place for you. But I wouldn't mind going back there once I'm done exploring the Chinese restos in the area.

Full Kee Restaurant: 4 Spoons
This looks like your traditional Chinese restaurant; it could be easily felt once you enter. The resto is located along H street, 1 block away north of Starbucks (when you're facing CVS). It comes in 2 levels (somewhat), with the lower level providing more seats. It might be hard to do justice commenting on the restaurant since I think I got the wrong dish that time. It wasn't bad but it wasn't the best either. But the spring roll that I got was just VERY GOOD. That somehow leads me to thinking their other offerings could be as good. I will try out their noodle soup next time. I heard they have very good ones.

New Big Wong Restaurant: 4.5 Spoons
I was able to eat here twice and so I think I can more easily comment (fairly) on what they serve. Probably the best I've tried so far. Their lemon chicken priced at about 10.00 is big enough to get you full but also small enough for one. And it comes with rice! They give you fried egg noodle (is that what it's called) for you to munch on while waiting for your order. On weekdays, they have lunch specials which cost around $5-8, so not bad. Really not bad. I was able to try their Triple Delight rice meal, a combination of chicken, pork and beef then rice. For 5.50, if I remember it right. I'd definitely come back here again. They are located along H street, on the same block as the metro station and is just past SunTrust bank. There's a staircase going down. One shouldn't miss it.

Li Ho Food Resto: 3-3.5 Spoons
Last Friday, I went here for I heard they have good food. I tried their Shrimp and Ground Pork Dumpling Soup with Noodle, for $5.50 and it wasn't so bad. But there was not much meat on the dumpling. Only I think the place needs some fixing for it looks old. The place is well lit and you can somehow see how your food is being prepared. The tea that I had tasted kinda funny though. They gave me tazo tea, which I think they shouldn't have. I was looking more for traditional Chinese tea. Their own recipe. I'd probably think twice about coming back here since there are better restos around.

Next Week: Tony Cheng or more of Full Kee (therefore the rating is subject to change).

Hawk 'n' Dove

2007-02-18T17:22:00.000+08:00

Simply one of the best bars I've been to so far.

It was Mardi Gras Party, College Party night. (But the 2-million dollar question is, why was there a 40-something-looking lady? SERIOUSLY. READ: The party was for college students, not the MOM of college students.)

It was just the young people out there on the floor. (Again, with the exception of that old lady. Party crasher!!!)

A couple of Baileys on the rock, a couple more beers. Makes for a good dancing night.

Saw Bobby, met Joshen/Josen/Jochen/Whatever, Sarah, Laura and Rutgers, the hilarious crazy Dutch guy from the other building.

Tonight was probably my best night so far.

There was some good dancing, there were some good ladies dancing.

This reminds me of the time I met Antonella. Yes, indeed, it was memorable.

Although music was almost the same as the other times I was there. DJ, you gotta change the music. Or not. Never forget to play JT and Usher.

But really, is it the dancing or the necklace? You gotta tell me.

PS Hawk and Dove were images used to identify the two American responses regarding the Vietnam War. Basically, the Hawks at present times will represent the Republicans, or most of them, who are pro-war. On the other hand, the Doves will be, well, the democrats who do not see the use of military in Vietnam.

Review

2007-02-18T08:21:00.000+08:00

I shall make a review of the restos and bars I've been to, soon. Yes, that's one way of showing I am trying out different things. =P

MYX

2007-02-16T11:53:00.000+08:00

It's been another week of work, half week of school (no classes twice!), more stories to tell. It's Thursday night and I am exercising my right to stay up late for tomorrow shall be my Chinatown day. Another day of discovering good Chinese restaurants in DC.

So I have my weekend all planned out. I feared earlier that the whole plan will be ruined because of the paper supposedly due on Tuesday. As a procrastinator, apparently, I still haven't started it. But he was nice enough to move the deadline to two weeks from now. PROCRASTINATION IS ON THE WAY!!! My plans aren't enough to keep me busy for my very long weekend (Friday-Monday) but anyway, this is the plan:

Friday: Chinatown and possibly Pentagon City

Saturday: Fado, an Irish pub (again in Chinatown) to watch FA Cup clash between Chelsea and Norwich. (By the way, 2 weeks from now, it's gonna be Chelsea and Arsenal!) Time to meet Chelsea fans!!!

Sunday: Holocaust Museum. I'll probably be the only one since my flatmates have already been there. (When they went there, I was being a nerd and stayed home to read.)

Monday: Study. (And try to reach as far as the 4th week of Econ readings.

Somewhere in between, there should be a slot for going to a bar, drinking and dancing, and getting drunk (and still dancing). Paging Farid.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Today probably is my worst day at work. I kinda did some stupid things. No biggie but mistakes are mistakes. Shame.

1. ... I'd actually rather not list them down here. Anyway I can only recall 4. Crap, that's a lot.

But I've learned so I guess fair trade.

PS1 It was a good thing I decided to stay yesterday after having breakfast at the beautiful Longworth caf. I almost went home after Pasha told me no need to go to work. Apparently, it was because of the weather. But I thought, I was already there so might as well see if anybody's already in. (Before going to Longworth, I waited outside the office for 30 minutes and nada, nobody came. So I thought, crap, no work today?!?!?!) But becuase I am such a motivated and inspired person, I decided to go back to the office and voila! It was already open! I became a one-man team yesterday and today. Coolness. Although for today, I seemed to have worked a LOT slower. Could it be that I was just really slow today or that there were so many calls coming in from constituents expressing their views on the ongoing debate in the Congress regarding H. Con. Res. 63.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

American Idol is back. 6th season. Top 24 sing next week. The competition is ON! Funny thing is, I met one of them in one of the local bars here. I met her first before I saw her on TV. And I was stunned when I saw her there. She is in the Top 24!!! I actually thought she was gonna leave even before she reaches Top 40 and that the reason why she was there in DC was because she didn't make it. BUT NO. She made it there! Thing is, when I met her in the bar, she was a bit of a snob. Well, she's a semi finalist. Fair enough.

My eyes are closing and I want to go to bed SOON! But I'm not yet even done with my Capitol Lounge food for dinner. At 1130PM and as I type this, I am still eating.

That's it for now. I already want to go to bed.

H. Con. Res. 63 re: Iraq Surge

2007-02-15T07:00:00.000+08:00

H. Con. Res. 63, 110th Congress: Disapproving of the decision of the President announced on January 10, 2007, to deploy more than 20,000 additional United States combat troops to Iraq.

Yesterday, the debate on the Iraq surge began. Each representative is given 5 minutes to give their position on the concurrent resolution, which votes against deploying another 21,000 troops in Iraq. The House is expected to vote on the matter on Friday.

Of course, I was excited to hear what my congressman has to say. After all, I became curious about his position on the issue a couple of days ago. I've been wanting to know. But here it is now. I expected him to side with Dubya for they are both Republicans. Unfortunately, I was not able to watch him give out his speech probably because I was trapped by a phone call from a constituent.

Mister Speaker:

In this debate, our first care should be for the safety and morale of the men and women serving in the American armed forces. Whatever the way forward, nothing said here should be heard by friend or foe as disrespect for the work and sacrifice of those who willingly fight our battles in a dangerous world.

It took U.S. and Coalition forces less than three weeks to topple a brutal Iraqi regime that had held an iron grip on power for almost thirty years. Since then, they've battled a growing insurgency and rampant sectarian violence with professionalism and bravery. Of all the instruments of national power we could and should be discussing today -- diplomacy, economic policy, intelligence and warfare -- our military is the only one that has performed predictably, consistently, and well.

Still, knowing what we know today, after almost four years of attempted nation-building on the shifting sands of Iraq, the plan to put twenty-one thousand more Americans in harm's way there has to be viewed with a cold-eyed skepticism born of that hard experience. Putting American troops between feuding Sunni and Shia in the middle of Baghdad is a mistake. This is the appropriate place for Iraqis, not Americans.

The Iraq Study Group concluded that, "Sustained increases in U.S. troop levels would not solve the fundamental cause of violence in Iraq, which is the absence of national reconciliation." They quoted a U.S. general who said if the Iraqi government does not make political progress, "all the troops in the world will not provide security." I agree.

Like many Members, Republicans and Democrats, I voted for the resolution authorizing President Bush to use force in Iraq, just as I supported President Clinton's decision to take military action against the former Yugoslavia. Four years ago, we were trying to persuade Saddam Hussein to comply with United Nations resolutions on disarmament and weapons inspections. Only a credible threat of force could possibly convince him it was finally in his interest to respect the lawful demands of the international community.

Voting to support the President strengthened his hand in the diplomatic effort to get the Iraq regime to comply peacefully. Saddam Hussein chose not to comply. When diplomacy fails, and military action becomes necessary, politics should stop at the water's edge and every American should stand united behind the Commander in Chief.

But no grant of authority is a blank check. Today, naive notions about a quick or tidy victory in Iraq have given way to far grittier options on how best to achieve our strategic objectives in that nation, in the region, and in the global struggle against Islamist extremism.

We want the President to succeed, but we are disappointed our hopes and good intentions for Iraq remain unrealized. Many are frustrated by the mistakes and missed opportunities that plagued this noble but star-crossed effort. Poor planning for occupation and reconstruction of a devastated nation, and missteps by the Coalition Provisional Authority, allowed the insurgency and long-simmering factional hatreds to erupt and take root.

At this point, it seems clear to many that only Iraqi interests, not ours, can be advanced on the streets of Baghdad. U.S. and Coalition forces were tasked as protectors of Iraq's hard won sovereignty, not referees in unchecked sectarian vendettas. From here, the "surge" looks much more like the status quo on steroids than a serious alternative policy to reach a realistic goal. Some way must be found to cut the Gordian knot that ties us to an Iraq strategy that says we can neither win nor leave.

Moreover, so long as American troops are the ones on the ground, taking fire and being objects for sectarian and terrorist hatred, other stakeholders, who have more at stake in the region, will refuse to step forward.

But whatever else it might accomplish, this resolution still doesn't do enough to illuminate a new, sustainable strategy in Iraq. The profound and complex issues central to our international position today cannot be reduced to simplistic political statements. We took an oath to uphold and defend the Constitution, not just strike poses on how that duty applies to the key question before us as a nation. In the end, these are purely political statements, when the debate we really need to have is about the most apolitical subject of all -- national security in a time of global peril.

Today, the House sends a purely symbolic message to the President. It is a message that will also be heard by our troops, by the Iraqi people who've relied on us, and by our enemies who are hoping we'll quit the fight soon. It doesn't say enough. We should be debating the elements of an effective policy to stem the tide of jihadism infecting growing swaths of the globe. This resolution stays only what some Members are against; nothing about what we are for.

The Iraq Study Group Report put forth seventy-nine specific recommendations, many focused on the need for far greater engagement of regional powers -- friends and foes -- in taking realistic steps to stabilize Iraq. I joined my colleague Rep. Frank Wolf in supporting creation of the Iraq Study Group and I wish he and others were allowed to offer those recommendations for discussion by the House. Those are the debates, and the votes, I'd hoped to participate in today.

The lack of substantive alternatives before us, particularly on the question of adequate funding for deployed troops, betrays the Majority's empty, conflicted position on Iraq: Against the President, but for nothing. The Senate majority attempted to straddle the same contradiction recently, confirming without dissent the new commanding general for Iraq while claiming to be against the very mission they know he's been ordered to undertake there.

On the genuine questions of security and strategy in Iraq we cannot remain, as Winston Churchill admonished, "Decided only to be undecided, resolved to be irresolute, adamant for drift, solid for fluidity, all-power to be impotent."

Mister Speaker, we must decide, and I have decided, to support this resolution because it is the only option made in order by the Majority today to engage this House in the formulation of our Iraq policy. But once troops are committed by the Commander in Chief and are engaging the enemy, symbolic gestures like this must confront the more complex realities of how to support those forces in the safe and speedy completion of their mission.

I thought this was a good speech. Thank you for supporting the resolution Boss.

Not studying.

2007-02-07T11:34:00.000+08:00

While typing this, I'm listening to "I'll Be" through a friend's myspace site. And yes, that's all I'm listening to, over and over again. Feels soothing and healing while I'm sitting here bothered.

I'd really just talk about it with a friend rather than blog about it.

Fortune Cookie.

2007-02-05T12:09:00.000+08:00

I decided to be anti-social this weekend. Looking at the pile of books waiting for me, I thought I'd have to be anti-social or I'd be way behind the readings (as if I were not already), which means, I'll have the most miserable of times a couple of weeks from now if I don't catch up. Although it seems to me that I'm the only one from the whole group who stayed home and lived like a nerd. This is becoming like Ateneo life all over again. The only difference is, I only have time to read in the evening. My internship doesn't allow me to read during daytime. Actually it does, I just refuse to do so because I don't think it's right. Daytime is work time, not study time.

I came home a little less than 2 hours ago from Starbucks, my reincarnated study place Just like last week, I spent hours just reading. I think I'd make it a habit of going there every Sunday to do my readings. Once a week in Starbucks isn't so bad. At least not for me. That's when I become most productive, of course, academically speaking. There are quite a lot of things I do in the office so nothing could possibly beat that.

Speaking of internship [again], Thursday is my favorite day. That's when I am able to do a lot of things, almost everything in fact since I'm the only intern. I kinda love the idea of having all the responsibilities for the day, which somehow motivates me to do things as fast and effective as I can (of course 'fast' also comes with the idea of efficient. So yes, efficient and effective.)

At this moment, I am only taking a long break from reading. I spent another 5 hours in Starbucks today just reading. Again, just like last week, the time I spent there wasn't enough. The only I hope for tonight is that I don't go to bed at 530 again. That's just too much. And I don't think I could keep on doing it. It was a good thing I decided to stay home last night. I already went out last Friday [and danced really hard] so I'm pretty satisfied. By the way, I almost barfed again. Thank God I didn't. Of course, I had a plastic by my pillow again, just in case the worst thing happens again. Apparently, I didn't drink too much that night. Several bottles of beer and a glass of fucking strong long island. IT DIDN'T TASTE LIKE LONG ISLAND FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! The one I had in the other club in Dupont Circle was good. At least I had a good one for my first time. It better be good the third time around. ESPECIALLY THAT THE DRINK IS FUCKIN' EXPENSIVE.

Last Friday I went to Chinatown to have lunch. I went to the resto our professor recommended. The food was good, I can tell. I just got the wrong dish. Anyway, just like any other Chinese resto, they gave me a fortune cookie afterwards. And the strip of paper said, From now on, your kindness will lead you to success. Now isn't that amazing. After all, I think the whole time, I have been nothing but nice to the people here. (Nice, but not necessarily talkative. =P) I liked that. That somehow made my day and my week. It's worth giving some thought, I think.

some kind of a lengthy post about DC (and who the heck knows when the next one is coming...)

2007-01-30T12:18:00.000+08:00

There hasn't really been much story about my experiences in DC. At least none that I have blogged about. Of course, I've already had some fun (and HORRIBLE) experiences. I wouldn't mind going into the fun ones but just not the horrible. Anyway, pretty much a lot of the people who could be reading this already know the HORRIBLE experiences. (Long Island still tastes good, though.) Actually, because the horrible experiences were HORRIBLE, they're pretty much what I can remember. Wait, I can now remember the fun ones and... I'd actually rather not get into them.

So yes, no kwento at all except the previous post, which also only my Filipino friends could understand.

Actually, I'm once again lazy to type even if I want to blog. Sooner or later, I'll be having a longer post. So far, the only thing I could easily say is that, while I'm here, I'd want to be able to do a couple of things:

1. Watch a play or a musical and
2. Watch a football game in RFK Stadium. (But damn it, I can't get tickets for the DC United game against CD Olimpia, a Honduran team, about 2 weeks from now. Well, duh, I should've gotten tickets much, much earlier.)

Now it seems my long post is coming.

Food talk: I have been craving for some good Chinese food. The only one I've been to is the one right around the corner of the apartment. And it wasn't good. It was quite expensive... and it wasn't good. Our professor recommended one in Chinatown and I think I will visit that this Friday, my day off. (No work. =( ) Please, some good fooood. I was able to try a seafood resto also in Chinatown when I went there couple of weeks ago. The food wasn't bad but it was a sandwich. And for cryin' out loud, I've been having sandwiches. RICE! That's the Filipino staple food. RICE! Add to that the fact that for like 2 days now, I've been eating chicken. I had chicken tenders for lunch last Thursday, chicken tenders again from Popeye's last Friday, a chicken something sandwich from Cosi yesterday, chicken nuggets last night for midnight snack while I was being a nerd, and chicken cheese steak sandwich today. My life is starting to revolve around chicken. I am surviving through chicken! It's a good thing there's no such thing as a chicken alcohol, demmit! Also, I am still trying to look for a GOOD seafood restaurant. If I remember it right, there's also one in Chinatown. If I find both restos there, God bless Chinatown. Heck, I. MISS. GOOD. FOOD. (of course, so far, this has been the longest part of my post, the food part. What did you expect?)

Vanity talk: I love the long overcoat, which I got last Friday for 160. It was on sale from 400. That's 60 off baby. And it's Claiborne. Albert gave me a dilemma though. On the left sleeve, near the wrist, there are 2 tags sewn. One for the brand and one that says "fabric woven in Italy." Yeah, yeah. I didn't wanna remove them and when he saw it, he was like, you are supposed to remove them. Er, am I? It might sound stupid for all but... it didn't look bad for me. Or wasn't I just paying attention that it looked stupid? My uncle's sending me more clothes. Good one. At least I can cut down on my spending. I have been spending a lot. (It's an injustice alcohol costs a lot in the US). And it's not gonna help that I have my Fridays off.

Speaking of Fridays, I actually don't know how I will be spending my Fridays. Do school work would be fine. And wake up late. (Reverse order). Perhaps that could work out. OR. Explore DC. That couldn't be bad, could it? Although at the moment, only the Holocaust Museum and the Natural Museum are the only ones I want to see.

Crap, I still haven't gotten a camera! When will I ever get one! I was advised to buy from the net but it's scary. I was told about the safe ones but... I still kinda don't trust them. Well, I better get one REALLY soon.

And my eyes are starting to close. Last night was perhaps my unwanted first step towards the stressful sem ahead of me. I went to bed at 530 (yes, AM!) and woke up at 730AM(!). 2 hours baby. And I didn't even have an exam today. An omen of what's to come? I seriously, seriously hope not. Or I'm shite dead.

Some random thoughts:
1. I must start reading the papers soon.
2. There are really great guys in the group.
3. The speaker for our class tonight was good. He was the editor of the Almanac of American Politics and he sorta made me a tad more interested in politics. Only God knows when (or IF) I'll ever get engaged in a political conversation of the people around me.
4. While I was having lunch at the caf at work, all of a sudden I thought I was having issues again about all sorts of stuff. Not very serious shite, though.
5. My eyes are really closing now. Must go to bed friggin soon.

I'm off. Work's in less than 9 hours' time. Ilkin was probably right when he said people's comments about work are extremes because apparently, mine's an extreme, too. And it rarely happens.

ayoko sana magsalita...

2007-01-30T12:12:00.000+08:00

...kasi baka karmahin ako.

Simpleng bagay lang naman. Medyo may kinakainisan na ko dito.

At baka karmahin ako kasi baka mamya, habang naiinis ako e naiinis pala sakin ang buong mundo.

Yun lang naman.

At halata naman kung bakit ako nagtatagalog.

I'm Lovin' It.

2007-01-25T11:33:00.000+08:00

NO, this is not to promote the unhealthy McDonald's. It's about my internship in the Rayburn House Office Building.

It's only my second day of work but I. Am. Loving. It. If only I could work the whole day, the whole week. For some strange reason, I am completely enjoying it. Strange because I never thought of working for a congressman. But here I am doing it! The other 2 interns with me (they started earlier) as well as the people there are great. The Staff Assistant's also very nice, she brightens up your day every time. It's also interesting to know a couple of things about her: she's an alumna of Capital Semester and she's the daughter of another Virginia congressman. Cool eh?

I wasn't actually expecting to be placed under such an internship (somehow I thought of it to be too political; well, duh...) but no regrets. Completely no regrets. It was just my second day today so probably I'm too quick to judge. Tomorrow, I should be able to tell better.

The things I did today are relatively more contributive than yesterday but I don't feel too good about them. Not because the work wasn't good or anything but because I didn't do them PERFECTLY. Writing failures again. Haha. Knowing how high the standards I set for myself are, this is going to be a challenge, especially that it seems I will be reading and writing a lot.

One (and probably the only) bad (which isn't really bad bad but bad, aww-sad-bad) thing about it though is: I don't get to work on Fridays. (But I love going to work =( ) There are 4 or 5 interns, I think, for Cong. Davis but all of us go at different times. Like in my case, I'd only be working Mon-Thu. One works Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays. The other one probably the whole week since he's been an intern for more than 4 months (first step towards becoming a politico?). The other 2, I'm not sure.

Well, well. One thing I realized yesterday was, (yes, after my first day), I wish I could do just the internship. :D

Anyway, I'm quite sure that the next 3 months would be even better.

Trying to take things into perspective

2007-01-23T12:49:00.000+08:00

I am being my quiet self again especially around the people here. I'm not sure if it's because I'm probably the LEAST politically-inclined among all or I'm just really quiet. I think it's both.

Let's call it warming up to people. And yeah, I need some booze for me to (almost) fully operate. Just like last night. I knew I already had some drinks because I started to talk quite a lot. I'm not the most people-person in the world... so good luck.

Long live introverts!

So it wasn't the best night out...

2007-01-20T15:04:00.000+08:00

The idea was to have fun, get drunk, and get sleepy (or pass out)...

Not... take the metro to get to a point and then be taken by some girls to some far-flung area (taking the metro again) and get a bottle of beer.

At least I wasn't alone in feeling we didn't have the best night.

Lesson: TFAS people only. Or better girls.

DC Here I Come!!!

2007-01-18T23:27:00.000+08:00

One of my friends expected me to blog the moment I get here in the US. Even I thought of the same thing. Both of us thought I'd be THAT excited that blogging would become the top priority activity. Apparently, this is my FIRST time to do so after a week or so of being here so... whatever that means.

It's been good so far here in DC. Prolly except for the killer cold weather the past couple of days. It didn't even feel this cold in Chicago and it's supposed to be colder there. Wrong timing, I guess. As I've told some people, snow was the first thing I looked for when I landed in Chicago. But there was none. Heck, I don't mind. The weather's more than fine for me. Winter's not gonna be complete though without snow. I heard it's going to snow HERE so I'll be waiting for it. I hope my friend didn't give me false hopes. Yes, you don't get people's hopes up. According to WashingtonPost, snow's gonna accumulate today and this afternoon then (little.. LITTLE????) snow falls...TONIGHT. Bring out your winter clothes kid! (And I still don't have a camera!!! Darn it!)

(It seems I'd finish writing this entry first before I could even finish the sandwich I got from Starbucks an hour ago. This is what I've been eating for breakfast the past couple of days. Thank God Starbucks is right beside our apartment. I haven't gotten coffee though. Yes, that's me tryin' to save up some money.)

Classes started Monday (it was Martin Luther King Day!!!) and I surely did miss writing down notes. And shopping for books. And school supplies. The geek in me is slowly waking up after 8 months or so of hibernation. Heck, he better do so! There's quite a loooot of work waiting up for me. 8-10 books, 4-5 papers, and major exams. Woohoo. So much for a non-PolSci major. Way to kill yourself baby! (And yes, I'm starting whine about SCHOOL again, also after 8 months or so.)

(My sandwich is almost finish. A couple more paragraphs and I will be done.)

Perhaps this is the best way to blog about DC experience so far:

WHAT'S TO LOVE:
The people. Flatmates or not, everyone's just been amazing. I've been hanging out with several people and all have been just great. Surely as early as now, I can already feel that what I paid for this is worth it. You meet different people, from different backgrounds and nationalities, with different personalities. DIVERSITY. Germany, Hong Kong, Poland, Uzbekistan, Romania, Slovakia, Korea et al. Yesterday was prolly the first time I hanged out with a couple of people from the other apartment. It'd be cool to spend more time with the others.

Georgetown. Ahhhhhh... the beautiful, old, buildings are just so hard not to admire. (DIGICAM!!!! And sandwich done!!!) Yesterday I spent some time in the library and it was like going back to Ateneo once again. (Ateneo, Ateneo, I miss thee!) There are a couple of bad-looking buildings but they're alright. Probably not as nasty (and old) as those in UP? =P And the bookstore's good too. I'm very tempted to buy one of their stuff. Shirt, sweaters, sweater BLANKETS etc. (I guess I wouldn't even bother worrying about my luggage weight come end of April. No, I shouldn't.) Plus Georgetown ID which is strangely called GOCard and my own @georgetown.edu email. Now how's that?

Washington DC. Capitol Hill. Rayburn House Office Building. The White House. Penn Avenue. Vietnam War Memorial. The Lincoln Memorial. Washington Monument. Need I say more?

Weather. You never get a weather like this in the Philippines. Well, duh. But you know what I mean.

WHAT'S NOT TO LOVE:

Hurting Feet after walking for close to 3 hours. And it started hurting on the second day after moving in to the apartment. So don't ask when you see me limping at times because earlier it was just the feet. Now the pain has crept up to my (left) knee as well. So, shit. I might need to get a pain reliever cream or something.

Expenses. Not worth talking about it.

Weather. When it gets so cold, i.e., the past couple of days and everyone's just freezin' to death.

Sandwiches becoming a staple meal. Let's just say, 80% of the time, sandwich is all I eat. I. MISS. RICE. AND. GOOD. CHINESE. FOOD.

Waiting. For MetroBus and for results of interview (and TOEFL and Master's application). I had my interview for the internship the other day and I still don't know whether I'm in or not. I realllly hope to find out soon so I could be more productive. TOEFL... crap them. It's been a month and the results were supposed to come out 15 working days after the test. Talk about inefficiency. Without the scores, I wouldn't also know the result of my application for my Master's. (Fingers still TIGHTLY crossed.)

--------------------------------------

I'm still sleepy but I'm not sure if it's a good idea to go back to sleep. It's cold (a good reason to sleep), but I haven't read yet for my class tonight (who has anyway? Oh I know one) because she forgot to return the books (another reason to go back to sleep?). Nah, I think I better stay up. I'd become too much of a bum if I did. (My eyes are starting to close. Dammit!) It's only 1120 right now and the class is not until 630. Crapness.

I'll figure out a way to spend my way. But it could never be shopping. I've just spent so much already.

PS All of a sudden, I already have Facebook, the Friendster of everybody else here. I've spent some couple of hours working on my profile and account. Yeah, that's what happens when you got so much time on your hands. But it ain't gonna be like that pretty soon.

PPS I think our professors are quite good (well, they gotta be). I like the Econ Prof best though. I prefer his style of teaching and... the subject itself.

PPPS I haven't written anything for Sportingo.com for quite some time. With all the work comin' up, I'm not sure if I can still do so. What happens to my sportswriting hobby-to-be-a-career?

Overdue Philippine Idol Entry

2007-01-01T15:23:00.000+08:00

It's been almost a month since the first Philippine Idol ended, with undeniably the deserving winner. Back then, while it was still going on, it would be very easy to come up with a lengthy post, criticizing every sucky performance of every other sucky performer and giving praises to every magnificent rendition of every other magnificent finalist. One of the best performances, if not already the best, would be this, the final song of the last finalist for the night- Mau Marcelo, the winner. She simply brought the house down.

For comparioson's sake, I am also embedding here the original version of the song- Whitney's Try It On My Own. It was definitely a very good song choice by the producers.

Whitney's:

And Mau's:

This is what the judges had to say:

Her performance just gave me (and it still does) goosebumps.

PS This is what I have to say about the judges: Pilita and FM are a bunch of nonsense craps. Cayabyab would've been more magnificent by himself, with no one (or two!) to give out trash comments.

A toast for the New Year!

2006-12-31T14:51:00.000+08:00

In about 9 hours' time, we welcome Year 2007. As many people already know, 2006 has been quite of a rouch patch for me, having to deal with finishing school with good grades (Theology!!!), almost accepting a job offer and tying myself up for 2 years, figuring out my life's direction, seeing my dream of getting to England and catching my first football match... and seeing that dream get crushed, changing plans every so often- from wanting to do an MSc (in the UK), to go to law school, to med school, to CS, then finally to MA, finally settling in with a plan, preparing to get the visa, getting shit scared about getting denied, doing the interview and finally, inching and being so much closer to finally fulfilling at least part of the plan.

While the most memorable of moments for some people are those in high school or college, or grade school even, mine just has got to be the moments when I finally got out of school. For the past 16 years or so of my life, it's been nothing but an almost dull and lifeless work of art. But I'm finally breaking away, just as Kelly Clarkson sings. This is what I consider the turning point of my life. A new opportunity, a new year, even a new life perhaps. Whether this point onwards would be as good as I how I make it sound to be, I'd still have to find out. It could take another 5-10 years before I can make another blog entry of this sort, before I can say whether this 'exciting' new facet is really as exciting as I think it is at this very moment or not.

Apparently, it's difficult to tell. In fact, there's no other way we can tell except by living life. Living it as it unfolds right before our eyes, my eyes. Will I find good fortune? I don't know. It certainly sounds lovely; almost everyone just dreams of a good fortune. It's living the American Dream for some, it's digging gold some place else for others. I belong to the latter, refusing to follow the bandwagon of people migrating to the States. My newly found love for sport, for football just fuels that refusal to follow so much more. At one point or another, if not in England, I'd at least settle in a footballing country. In one of my previous blog entries, I said I don't really have to settle in England, that as long as I satisfy my intense craving for a live football match once or twice a year, I'd be good. Perhaps when I said that, I was partly convinced I'd be living in the States a couple of years from now. But then again, I don't know. One, again I'm not so sure I'd want to migrate there. Two, there's just too much of the sport going on in my mind. Finally and most importantly, we don't know how things would go for me. I, would, just, have, to, wait.

For now, here's to hoping that everyone gets a blast (and I don't mind bloody, exploded hands) welcoming the new year, that 2007 serves a lot of promise, that we all succeed in our endeavors, that there be less politicking and insensitivity, that hope keeps Filipinos alive no matter how much adversity they meet, that there be more opportunities for more people- and that these people make wise moves towards those opportunities, that they prioritize life, success and well-being over the mundane things, and finally, that all things that people do, think, and say, would make sense. Instead of giving each of us some bits of rubbish.

As for my short-term toast- here's to hoping that I get a roomie at least half as passionate as I am with football, that I get an internship at WB or IMF, and that what I'll be doing for the next 3-4 months would be exciting enough for me to ignore the freezing blows of winter.

Now that would be a blast.

Worker during the day, sportswriter by night.

2006-12-26T21:51:00.000+08:00

Because my sportswriting career just kicked off, there's still the excitement that comes along with every article written, edited and published on the site. It was good seeing my first article on the front page, thought it wasn't the headline. It motivated me to submit another one just a day after it was published. It was actually a revised version of an old blog entry about falling in love with the game, how it started during the World Cup and why I fell in love with it. How lucky that the second one got published a day after I submitted, albeit not on the front page. You don't get lucky everyday.

And the body...

This is getting serious. Am I really pursuing this?! As the blog title says, I'm becoming a worker during the day and a sportswriter by night. I'm already on my way to the third article, which I hope to finish before the week ends. It's not as easy to do as the first two, where they're purely based on observations and opinions. The third one's requiring some research. Hehe. See? Told you I'm serious!

Football Writing Career Kick-off

2006-12-25T16:51:00.000+08:00

As some of my friends already know, someone from Sportingo.com left a comment in my football blog asking if I want to publish some football articles. How she came across my blog, I don't know and it doesn't matter. My first reaction to the offer was, seriously? Maybe this isn't too much of a big deal. After all, we're not talking about me being the only writer on the site. Neither are we talking about publishing my articles on the national paper. But well, given that I'm a newbiew to all things football, yes, 7 months of fanaticism is still pristine compared to the million others who have already spent half their lifetimes following the sport.

Given my utter love for the game, of course, I said yes to it. I won't get paid of course. There's no commitment as well to the number of articles I'd have to submit every week/month. I submit at my own volition. Moreover, this gives me the feeling of taking my love for the sport a step further. I'm not expert in the sport but I guess I know enough to be able to write something about it and my team. I was far from being an A student in my English classes back in college (take note: I finished college just 9 months ago) but I guess I can write pretty decently.

So I submitted my first article yesterday and people at Sportingo were surely busy working people, even during the holidays. Remember it was the 24th yesterday and just hours after I submitted my first ever articles, I already saw it on their site. Hurrah, hurrah!

That was from the main site. By the way, when I checked this morning, there were already 2 comments and one of them was: "You are a cunt!" Way to gooo! Ha. Ha. Ha. The admin apparently found it offensive and therefore, deleted it. Now there's just one left.

This is a preview of my article on the site:
Thinking about it, I'd want to make this part of whatever I'll be doing in the future. Seriously. If I can't play football, (my status message in yahoo messenger the other day said: Hey, it might be too late for me to become a striker or a midfielder or a defender, but it ain't too late to become a goalie! Or something like that) I could only follow it and write about it. After all, I maintain a footie blog. So why not continue, right?

For anyone interested (though I doubt there's anyone out there), feel free to check out my article.

Happy Holidays! Cheers!

Changes

2006-12-19T20:40:00.000+08:00

Today is December 19, less than a week before Christmas. This year, a number of things have changed.

1. Around this time last year, I was already feeling the breeze of Christmas, feeling giddy over nobody in particular, just giddy over the season- as I've almost always been.

2. I missed the first night of Simbang Gabi since I had to leave very early for Manila for an appointment. Because I have been significantly less religious this year, I decided to just abandon the whole novena altogether... in exchange of, well, uninterrupted 10-to-12-hour sleep. I know, I'm becoming more and more evil, one by one dropping the common practices of a Christian.

3. I am no longer THAT excited over the prospect of leaving since I am not leaving to catch live football matches. Again and again, football has become my primary, if not the only, reason why I want to fly to UK.

4. In lieu of #3, some people say I'm 'obsessed' with football. I'm in love with it, admittedly but to say that I'm obsessed is an overstatement, I think. Compare myself with the rest of the people of the footballing countries especially England. Maybe I'm just half as obsessed as them. I have never followed anything this closely my entire life but look at how these people follow the games. (Or could it be that I'm only disadvantaged because I'm here, otherwise I'd also be exactly just like them? He, whatever.)

Anyway, happy holidays everyone!

All I Want for Christmas....

2006-12-18T14:33:00.000+08:00

...is you!

(If only you weren't expensive!)

Post-Op; Recovering.

2006-12-12T13:13:00.000+08:00

I'm now on my 4th day of recovering from the endoscopic sinus surgery and septoplasty I had last Friday morning. I am feeling fine. Thank God and the doctor, I am not feeling pain. Friday and Saturday were two of the most difficult days of my life, not being able (wanting) to talk all throughout. When talked to, I only gave a nod or a shake of the head for yes or no questions. At times, I just didn't bother answering. My throat was hurting too much that I didn't eat almost the whole 2 days. But now I'm fine. I started feeling good when the tube/balloon inserted into my left nostril was removed on Sunday; my throat also stopped hurting that moment. I opted to go for a soft diet. I'm still eating porridge for lunch and dinner. My first non-soft-diet meal was yesterday when I had a burger for merienda. I just needed to have something else.

Tomorrow, I'm going back to the doctor for the check-up. I hope everything would be fine. No infections whatsoever. I just want to be and feel normal. I just want to feel as normal as what I felt that very moment the balloon was removed. Ah, relief. I am happy I decided to have him do the operation. I don't trust anybody else to do it. Perhaps I just fear having a less competent ENT do it for me. Of course, I don't have a basis in saying the others are less competent but knowing that couple of people told me he is very good, he is the best, then despite it being more expensive (I suppose), then what the heck, we're talking about safety and well-being.

I am looking forward to that day when I'd completely feel normal again. He said it'd take about 2-3 weeks of recovery period. Thank God in advance.

Weirdo.

2006-12-07T00:15:00.000+08:00

After watching the most recent episode of Grey's Anatomy, all of a sudden, I felt tired. I was left longing to feel, and think, and talk. But also left with nothing to feel, and think, and talk about.

Labo.

Sad Reality

2006-11-29T23:50:00.000+08:00

It's sad that most Filipinos have to resort to self-deprecation for comedic relief.

AM+DG

2006-11-28T20:05:00.000+08:00

I defined today as the day that would almost completely determine my future. Today is the day I had visa interview. Getting approved means I get to (finally) leave, otherwise, I stay here again for an indefinite time.

The day started very early. At 3am, only an hour after I went to sleep. I fixed myself, I photocopied the remaining documents that needed to be photocopied, I took a shower, got dressed, and left. It was at 4am. The instructions said, be there an hour before your interview, which means at 620, or 630 for a 10-minute grace period. I got to the embassy at exactly 630. The sun was already almost up, the surroundings already clearly visible. I imagined it to be still dark, as in 5am dark. Heck. Anyway, apparently, many people were already there by the time I got out of the car. Mom was with me; I didn't have an idea what she'll be doing for the next 3-4 hours just waiting outside. She didn't have to go with me.

I fell in line, along with other NIV applicants. The line moved fast, with several people assigned to check on the documents (app forms) of the people. Subsequently, we were asked to proceed to gate 3 to leave the extra stuff, of which I didn't have any. We went out, then going to a certain Window B for our passports, app forms, and I-20 ( for students) to be taken. While in line, i thought I saw someone familiar. She was from the Ateneo, I know. She was just 3 numbers ahead of me. After her documents were checked, with the passport, forms and I-20 left to the person, she came up to me and asked, "Are you also from Ateneo?" She read my mind. We knew each other by face. I nodded at her and asked, "So you're also studying? Where at?" "Columbia," she said. I thought Columbia Uni, but it was Columbia Union College in Maryland. What got me wow-ing was her course, Medicine. Ain't it nice? Then it was her turn to ask the same. I said Georgetown and that it was only for a short course. Afterwards, she had to leave for 'Step 2', heading for the Pavillion.

Minutes after, we met again. And chatted and chatted and chatted. The five of us on the row were all applying for F1, the student visa. They were calling people by numbers, in sets of 5. She got called after a while and I thought I was following soon. We were again just 2 numbers apart. But hell, it took about an hour before my batch was called to move to Step 3, fingerprint scanning. In that step, I 'met' 3 students- 2 were UPLB undergards going to MSU (I didn't bother asking what MSU was, lest that I appear stupid. I simply safely assumed it was Michigan State Uni) as exhange students and 1 was a girl who's just beginning college, in Las Vegas. Viva!

Then it was my turn to scan. If only I wasn't in the US Embassy, I would've bitched out to the lady who kept doing the same, telling bitchily, "Iurong mo nga yang finger mo. Urong pa! Iurong mo pa nga e!" The guts! She was like that to most people. I guess it's because... matanda na kasi. After the scanning, we were down to last (or second to the last, rather) step. The interview. By the way, the schedule said 7:20 and we got to the interview room 8:30 or 8:45. The wait was just dreadful. People applying for student visa had the same consul. And the first 4 or 5 I saw leaving after I entered the room to wait for my turn, got turned down. They had their passports with them as they walked outside the building. DREADFUL. According to the website and other sources, interview usually last for 2-5 minutes. 5 minutes was the maximum. BUT. In our beloved consul's case, it was taking him 10-15 minutes per, which means that while the other windows have had 2 or 3 people come and go, he was still talking (or grilling!) the same person called 10 minutes ago. We could only take that to mean that he was TOUGH, i.e., we were DEAD. I started feeling a tad better after seeing that from numbers 2205 or 6 up to 2210 (the batchmate I met outside) all got approved. I didn't intend to look at fellow Atenean's result. She holds a yellow slip, she's in. Otherwise, you know what that means. But I saw she got it. Then came 11 then 12 then it was 2213. 13. My number. Finally, the long wait was over. 2 hours of waiting and it was finally my turn on the hot seat. So I approached the window.

Me: Hi! Good morning!
Consul: So you're studying in Georgetown in Washington D.C.
Me: Yes.
C: This is for a Bachelor's Degree?
Me: No, it's only a short course.
C: On what?
Me: General Studies- Politics and Economics.
(Looks at my I-20)
C: So what do you get out of it?
Me: Credits from Georgetown and the experience to be independent for at least a couple of months.
C: Other than for personal development, why else are you applying?
Me (my worst answer during the whole interview): Actually it's for knowledge enhancement and also it would... help out... my resume. (What?!?! --Yes, I thought of this immediately after I said what I said.) At least it could somehow boost my (I forgot what I said here. But I think I said, APPLICATION.)
The consul didn't seem to mind what I said. I thought though I was doomed.
C: So you'll be paying through personal funds. Who will be paying for it?
Me: My parents.
C: What do you parents do?
Me: We own a hardware store in the province. Would you like to see some [bank] certifications?
C: Yes, please.
[skip skip skip- unimportant part, money matters.]
C: You're still an undergraduate, right?
Me: Actually, I just recently graduated.
C: What do you do at the moment?
Me: I work for our family business. I'm currently the Accounts Officer.
C: How much do you earn?
Me: AB,000.
C: A-B or B-0?
Me: A-B.
C: So you'll be paying $XXXX which is like XXXXXX in peso only for the credits? Don't you have any plans which would make the program relevant and the huge payment worth it? (not his exact words.)
Me: Well, actually, at the moment, I am trying to figure out whether to pursue an MBA or go to law school in the future and I think this program would serve as a good testing ground for that.
The consul nodded.
C: Is the school aware that you already graduated? It says here [looks at the acceptance letter]
that it is only for undergraduates.
Me: Yes. Actually Sir, I clarified it with them and asked if I could still apply, and they said yes. So I did.
Wrote something on my I-20 (or was it 156?), gave the yellow slip, retained my passport et al. and said:
C: Okay, so go to Delbros to pay for the shipping fee and we'll just have your passport delivered together with your visa.

HEAVEN. You weren't an ass, I was right. Maybe the ones who got denied really just didn't have stuff to back up their reasons. The consul looked nice and was nice. He even joked about the passbook having both English and Chinese characters on it, but not Tagalog. (To which I replied, 'I know! Hahaha.')

Almost the whole time I was waiting, I was just saying to myself and praying, for the greater glory of God.

God works in mysterious ways. ;)

Nervoushit.

2006-11-24T03:33:00.000+08:00

Thinking about the interview on Tuesday, I SWEAR, is killing me. Is killing me. Is killing me.

I hope I'm still sane by Tuesday.

What if...

2006-11-21T00:09:00.000+08:00

...I also become a Barrister?

A semi-mapped out future

2006-11-19T19:03:00.000+08:00

I seem to have already defined the steps i intend to take in the next several years of my life. Again, all of those would only mean something if things turn out right. This is one thing I truly, truly fear. I'm starting to think I'm starting to become phobic about it. Anyway, it all starts with the visa. I must get it or the first step towards fulfilling my plans would already end even before it started. It's a pretty simple plan actually, the one I have.

1. Finish CS.
2. Get accepted and finish my Master's.
3. Get a good (pay-wise, nature-wise, and load-wise) job.
4. Work for 3-4 years.
5. Get an MBA in London (LBS! And yes, I'm already being very specific, ain't I?)
6. Somewhere along the way, get the CFA title.
7. Sail through to the Bahamas... Mwahaha.

You see, the situation's very fragile. A wrong turn of an event and... a Plan B would be called for. Business Management skills to the rescue.

PS Now I already believe in the saying that things happen for a reason. Maybe He didn't want me going to UK [yet] because I "have" to do the Master's, which honestly I have more personal [and better] reasons for pursuing. So now, if I dont get to leave again for the US to do CS and IPPAM, then okay, I'll just wait and see what's that better thing in store for me.

In response to THES-QS World University Rankings

2006-11-18T20:51:00.000+08:00

What made this ranking ridiculous was that DLSU went ahead of the Ateneo by close to a hundred slots. The former ranked 392nd and my beloved Ateneo, 484th. While it is indeed disappointing to see your alma mater find itself almost at the bottom of the rankings, interpreted as how the world perceives your school to be, we still have to question the methodology through which the rankings were arrived at. It needs to be questioned on the basis of its scope- what questions were asked, how things were categorized and most especially in what context did the rankings come about.

I wouldn't even bother arguing that UP couldn't have ranked higher than AdMU. It is the state university after all and many of the country's brightest just go and enrol there. Moreover, as a state university, it also attracts not only (many of) the brightest students but also (many of) the brightest professors. It is also recognized by more international schools, even companies, I think. Somehow, it is more acceptable that it ranked higher. Though personally, I'd like to think AdMU still is the better school for what it's worth. Better or at least at par with the other. But to tell that DLSU's better? You just have to stop there. *Scoff*

Of course, many people would argue, (you) love your own. Probably the reason why I'm defending my school. Could be true. Or it could simply be that AdMU really is better. Let's give the best public uni title to UP but there's no way DLSU could be the best private. Love your own; take my word. I could go on and on discussing and saying that AdMU really is better. But instead, I'll let our president, Fr. Ben Nebres, do the talking. Taken from the Ateneo site:

(Note: On Oct. 5, 2006, a global survey of higher educational institutions — the Times Higher Education Supplement - Quacquarelli Symonds [THES-QS] World University Rankings — was released. Among thousands of universities surveyed, 4 from the Philippines made it to the top 500. These are the University of the Philippines [299th], De La Salle University [392nd], Ateneo de Manila University [484th], and the University of Santo Tomas [500th]. [The complete results are posted in QS Top Universities Website.] To enlighten the community regarding the results of the THES survey, the University President writes the following response.

The context of the Times rankings is the process of internationalization of universities; in particular, they are intended for students looking for places abroad to study. Ateneo understands that internationalization in the university is important in our globalizing world and, thus, we understand the purpose of these rankings. However, each university and each country have their own priorities. The priority in the vision/mission of the Ateneo has been the formation of leaders in Christian and Jesuit values and contribution to overcoming poverty and national development. Thus, we have responded to internationalization by what is the most advanced student mobility and study abroad program in the country.

• JGSOM’s Junior Term Abroad creates opportunities for college juniors to spend one semester in any of the Ateneo's many partner universities. This year, 114 Ateneo college students are spending a semester in universities in Asia (particularly China, Japan, Singapore), in Europe and the United States. We will have 150 students annually in study abroad programs in the next two years and this will continue to grow.

• We have students from the Schools of Science and Engineering, Social Sciences, Humanities and the Graduate School of Business who also spend a semester or year abroad. We also have summer student cultural programs to Europe (through our European Studies Program) and Asia (particularly Macau, Hong Kong, and China). In the next years, we want to tap more partners in these countries and to go into new partnership agreements with other countries in Europe, (Spain, the Netherlands, Belgium, and Germany) and Asia (Malaysia, Taiwan, and Thailand).

• Those who cannot go abroad are offered the opportunity of studying with foreign classmates through our inbound students. Our agreements have also allowed us to host a mix of international students on campus from China, Indonesia, Malaysia, Singapore, France, Germany, the US, Japan, Macau, Vietnam, Cambodia, and Myanmar.

These programs follow our priority of leadership formation, since we believe that leaders of tomorrow will have to be increasingly global in their perspective. We do receive international students. However, a focus on attracting foreign students (the purpose of the Times rankings) has been a secondary priority for us.

From our international exchanges, we see that we are highly respected among those who have come to know us. Just in the last few months, when China decided to set up Confucius Institutes for the teaching of Chinese language and culture in about 100 universities around the world, the Ateneo de Manila was the first (and so far the only) university designated in the Philippines. In addition, the World Press Photojournalism Institute in the Netherlands has also chosen the Ateneo as partner for its program in photojournalism. We will exert more effort to better communicate this to the outside world. Our alumni abroad can help us a lot in this regard.

There are other efforts to increase the number and quality of our active international partnerships and programs. We have been benchmarking for quality (IEEE standards for ECCE, attendance of conferences, networks) and sending our students to regional competitions, among others. However, because of our small size and relatively few programs until recently, our international reach has been limited. In surveys like this, size matters, both in the number of students and the diversity of programs.

In a world dominated by science and technology, it was only in the last ten years or so that the Ateneo has established itself in science and technology. We were thus small, both in terms of number of students and diversity of programs. But we must also remember that it was this small size and the focus on formation and the core curriculum (esp. philosophy, theology, literature) that our alumni treasure most. It is to the formation they obtained in this focus of the Ateneo that they attribute their own growth in leadership. Thus, while the smallness makes us less widely known outside the Philippines, the same characteristic has formed important leaders in business and government in our country and has established Ateneo as a well-known and great school in the Philippines.

Today, we are a University of about 7,585 undergraduates and 3,300 graduate students. Relative to its size, the proportion of Ateneo graduates in local and regional leadership positions in the academe, government, and business is impressive. We have a growing number of alumni abroad who have become leaders in the international world. We believe that a great part of their success comes from Ateneo’s focus on formation and on core curriculum courses such as philosophy and theology. As mentioned above, we are becoming better known through our growing international contacts and through our students studying abroad; our culture of forming leaders and contributing to national development is highly respected.

The area of research, particularly research published in ISI journals, is an area where we realize we have to do much more. The tradition of the Ateneo de Manila, and the tradition of the great majority of universities until the last few decades, has been that of preparing leaders for society. In recent decades, the role of the leading universities has moved towards the creation of new knowledge, namely research. The Ateneo de Manila, in particular the Loyola Schools, has invested much to increase research efforts. We have chosen certain areas where we feel we can make a significant difference, and we are excellent in these areas. But we realize that much more needs to be done. This will require, however, careful discussion and planning, because we do not want to lose focus on our priority goals of leadership formation and contribution to national development. These latter goals, we believe, are still Ateneo’s most important contribution to the Philippines.

The rankings challenge us to improve our efforts in internationalization and research, but it has to be recognized that the criteria, purpose, and survey instrument (please refer to Notes below) also do not reflect certain aspects that make the Ateneo an excellent Philippine university. As mentioned above, the formation of leaders and contributing to national development is our priority; however, these priority concerns of ours are not given weight in the Times rankings.

Rankings in the Times survey are important because they measure how the world perceives us. But just as a person has to take what people think of them in the context of their own values and priorities, we, too, have to reflect on these perceptions and measures within our own view of our vision and mission. Thus, while we will work on strengthening our research and publications in ISI journals (because these are the dominant measures in the Times and other surveys), we need to do this in a way that does not move us away from our vision/mission and our traditional strengths: leadership formation and contribution to national development. These have to continue to be our priorities as a Jesuit university committed to the service of faith and the promotion of justice and as a university in a Philippines whose greatest challenge is overcoming poverty and national development.

Notes:

The survey criteria:

Peer Review - 40% (name recall and contacts)
Recruiter Review - 10%
International Faculty Score - 5%
International Students Score - 5%
Faculty/Student Score - 20%
Citations/Faculty Score - 20% (number of researches in ISI journals and/or the number of times publications have been cited by other work)

The survey asked the Ateneo to supply only the following:

1. Number of faculty (teachers, teaching assistants, full time equivalent)
2. Number of international faculty
3. Number of undergraduate students
4. Number of international undergraduate students
5. Average course fees per year for an undergraduate course
6. Average course fees per year for an international undergraduate
7. Number of postgraduate students
8. Number of international postgraduate students
9. Average course fees per year for a postgraduate course
10. Average course fees per year for an international postgraduate
11. Library expenditure for the most recent academic year
12. Average entry requirements for an undergraduate course
13. Percentage of graduates employed six (6) months post-graduation

----------------------------------

So some people would say, what lame excuses Fr. Ben. Ha, I'd bet you these people would be either:

1. Lasalistas
2. Insecure Lasalistas
3. Offended Lasalistas
4. Brainwashed Iskolars or
5. Die-hard Lasalistas and Iskolars.

Thank you to UST people for not throwing the kind of silly arguments students from both schools do. [Context: PEx]

The end is the beginning is the end

2006-11-17T19:55:00.000+08:00

Now, the real wait begins. I followed my Wednesday deadline of submitting my application even without any reply from one of my preferred recommenders. Anyway, I already got 3, which is the minimum. So I guess my application's fine and will be ready for review when the 3rd prof submits her part.

Really, I'm being bugged by my fear of not getting accepted. Not to mention that I have my visa interview in 2 weeks' time, which I should also worry about. It. really. scares. me. The world really hasn't been very supportive of me and my plans. Ehem, U K. I actually don't know which of the 2 is the bigger worry, the visa or the Master's. Getting denied a visa means I don't get to do CS (and maybe even Master's) anymore but not getting into the Master's means my future is doomed. I think I wouldn't know where to pick up from if that happens. Start from scratch? I don't even have a Plan B in case things screw up! So the scratch remains a friggin scratch. It's never gonna turn into a blueprint, a manuscript, a biography, an autobiography! LOL. I hope my being a sucker for inspirational songs would take effect in these 2 significant moments of my life. Like, for once, come on. Just let things happen for me! I. need. to. be. happy. I hope I made myself clear.

If things screw up either way, things half-end for me. That ending will be the beginning of the upcoming series of (or more) screw ups. Then that becomes the real end for me. And then I disappear.

TGTBT/Cynicism

2006-11-15T22:31:00.000+08:00

It would be too good to be true if my article gets published in a national paper.

It would be too good to be true if I acquire a visa and book a flight for myself.

It would be too good to be true if I leave and study in a prestigious uni abroad.

It would be too good to be true if I get accepted into this program I'm applying for.

It would be too good to be true if I graduate from a prestigious uni abroad.

It would be too good to be true if I graduate on top of my class in a prestigious uni abroad.

It would be too good to be true if I spend the rest of my life elsewhere.

It would be too good to be true if I get to watch live football games in the UK from time to time.

It would be too good to be true if I live the life of a wealthy man.

It would be too good to be true if I live a good life in the future.

It would be just too good to be true if all of my dreams come true.

TeethTalk

2006-11-13T23:42:00.000+08:00

To my Teeth of the [Low] Order:

Just in case you don't sense it, you're supposed to tip back NOW. So Teeth of the [High] Order will finally find their perfect place. So I can have my braces removed sooner. I've had it for more than 4 years now; I think the brackets have already spent longer than theyre supposed to moving every single tooth. The job must be done soon.

Sincerely, Self and Mouth.

-----------------------

I'm almost ready to submit my application. I'm just about to do some final/semi-major touches on my essay, which I hope would work. Somehow came up with a better idea on how to open and close my essay.

I'm still waiting for the recommendations though. I feel kinda bad about having to bug my teachers about the letter. If only it weren't urgent. Sorry friends! =)

------------------------

Almost incessantly worrying about my visa, I realized something. Why haven't I been asking for a pay while working here at home? I've been working for the past 7 months and I havent gotten a single cent, well except for the one's I've spent for shopping. I'd only need my mom to add some more to my TD so when I go to my interview, I have something somehow good to show to the consul that would declare, YES! I AM COMING BACK! Boom, visa granted. Hold on, back to Section 214 of SeLA.

Awww, crrrrap.

Section 214 of Self Leaving Act (SeLA)

2006-11-13T02:08:00.000+08:00

Section 214(b) of the U.S. Immigration and Nationality Act (INA) states that:

"Every alien shall be presumed to be an immigrant until he establishes to the satisfaction of the officer, at the time of the application for a visa that he is entitled to nonimmigrant status..."

My own created section of my own still unwritten act from my own unwritten life laws states that:

"I shall be presumed to be staying my whole life here in the Philippines until I am able to establish to my own satisfaction through payment of school fees, booking of plane ticket/s, and most especially acquiring a visa, that I am leaving for whatever reason..."

Therefore, there's a big and valid reason to continue freaking out until I have gone past my own written section.

The big day is December 1. That day shall determine whether I leave or not. Promise, I am nearing insanity thinking about it. My best (NOT!) mind-companion What-If pops in my head from time to time that while he knows I don't really need him ever, he still seems to remain insensitive.

Prospectus v2.0

2006-11-10T18:02:00.000+08:00

The recent columns of Michael Tan, I suppose, have opened the eyes of many students, current or otherwise, to the wonderful and exciting possibilities of pursuing studies abroad. Many of us just looove hearing about a friend of a friend or our friend per se who attends or has attended Harvard, Stanford, Yale, OxBridge, or another of the highest ranking schools in the world. We're wowed by these people and the idea of being there ourselves just sometimes plays with our minds. The rankings, which just came out a couple of weeks ago, might have even helped and caused us to start pinpointing and telling ourselves, 'I want to study here, here, or here!' Well, who wouldn't? The idea of breaking free from the seemingly hopeless case of the country, receiving a scholarship, getting exposed to a new and different culture, being independent, and/or gaining the bragging rights for being there ourselves is just so hard to resist. One day, we tell ourselves, 'I'll be there'.

Right now, I already have a stack of about 15 prospectuses from UK and US universities. I could only shrug at the thought of attending any of these outstanding universities. For one, my grades are not competitive enough to give me a high chance of getting in. Just take a look: UCLA, UC-Berkeley, University of Chicago, University College London and London School of Economics to name some. It would be foolish to convince myself that I could make it. Actually before, I did. My pompous self allowed it. To be honest, my credentials are not poor, but they're barely enough and 'enough' most of the time isn't even, well, enough. (Some who are highly qualified don't even make the cut.) Even for some schools, I don't see my GPA meeting the 25th percentile GPA of their accepted applicants. If I were still in school, I would be either a D or an F student. Barely getting by, or even failing altogether.

Anyway, I shouldn't even begin to attempt to fly to Neverland where everything is but beautiful and perfect. After all, what I have are mere prospectuses. From the word prospect. As a prospective student, I rationalize, analyze and wonder about the possibilities of attending one of those universities, which doesn't even come close to translating to ACTUALLY attending it. The stack doesn't tell you anything. Maybe it does, but it couldn't be anything significant. It only tells you that I have the luxury of time to look for the good schools on the net, request for a copy of their prospectus and click the 'send' button countless times. Voila! The prospectuses are right at my doorstep. I decide whether to apply or not. The prospectuses of the top schools tell me, apply at your own risk. In Filipino, pakapalan na ng apog.

So we send out our applications. The whole idea of leaving, of studying abroad is exciting but along with the excitement comes a crisis: the horrendous experience of waiting. Time unfolding just gets the best of us. Within that period of waiting are the chances to rethink our plans, explore other options, and unfortunately sometimes, divert to something new. Whether or not we change our mind somewhere along the way about where we want to go (and even what we want to do), we are still in that phase of daydreaming. But we shouldn't even forget that daydreaming could be a ridiculous activity. Free it is, indeed, yet oftentimes, it only becomes the painful dictation of what we wish to fulfill. (Good for you if that's not the case.) Personal experiences have taught me that. As we daydream about what may lie ahead of us, it is most difficult once we find ourselves holding on to something despite the many uncertainties that go with it. Daydreaming only creates victims among us and its effects depend on how much time we spend doing it. The more fixated we become on the thing, the more difficult it is to detach ourselves from it. The best thing we can do is hope.

But hoping is futile if in the end, prospects don't actualize- if they remain prospects, hopes, or dreams. Hoping, I believe, could be either of the two things: that which tells us something good (or better) COULD come our way, keeping us hopeful; and that which tells us that something good WILL come our way, fooling us into believing that hoping and expecting are one and the same. Many times, we fall into that trap of being fooled. We 'hope' so much without realizing the pain it could bring. The moment a rejection letter from our dream school reaches our mailbox, our dreams come crashing down. We try to look at things differently and adjust accordingly just to make ourselves feel a tad better. Then we start waiting again, this time attempting to stay away from the trap of having too much expectations and just hope that things will be better the next time around. But changing paradigm sometimes becomes problematic.

Indeed it is relieving to be thinking positively and end it there. 'Something good could come my way.' However, the fact that it remains intangible and futuristic makes paradigm shifting one hell of a job. We just go back to where it all started, the crisis of having to wait for the good- getting into our second or even third choice school. Hoping helps us get through some terrible, or even traumatic, experience. So it helps, but we still can't deny the fact that we remain vulnerable. As we struggle with the questions 'Do I make it? Do I not? Am I good enough? Am I?' we are driven closer and closer to the brink of insanity. We continuously wait, hoping this time, it's not in vain.

In the end, only until something real, tangible and in-your-face happens can we stop hoping. We just stare at the prospectuses we have collected and kept in our shelves as we whisper to ourselves, 'I made it'.

Only until the prospect becomes actual can we truly begin to feel really good. Now, we won't be at fault for beginning to think of all the wonderful possibilities of exploring another facet of the world, gaining independence (and bragging rights), and breaking free.

Because only when we experience the goodness itself can we truly think, feel, and say that it IS the good thing. We are now to live the reality of a life that was once lived only through the stack of prospectuses.

Overdose

2006-11-07T20:35:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was one of the longest days I've had in months. Started out in Ateneo at 1030. Left for Cardinal at 1145. Got there at 1215. First ENT. Left at 130 for St. Luke's. Arrived at 2 for ortho appointment. 30 minutes late. Take note that lunch is missing. Ended at 245. Went to the second ENT supposedly only to get my vitamins. Extended until 4. Long, tedious wait. At long last, lunch before leaving the hospital. Burger King. 2-pc. BK Beef Steak, Large Onion Rings, Large Apple Juice. Got only half-full. (Fully Booked! I must get there!) Traveled to Makati for an hour until 5. Met with the agent for 45 minutes. I am running out of time! Finally, a quick journey to PowerPlant. Fully Booked. The day ended at 730. Then came the 3-hour ride to Lucena. 1045, home. I missed PI eliminations. Tired. Dead tired.

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For the many visits I've made to my ENT, it was not until yesterday that I got to ask, what food can't I eat to not make things worse? I shouldn't have asked. Crap. Peanuts, chocolates, and even eggs. I have not eaten chocolates in a while. From time to time, I would love to indulge. But how could I possibly enjoy knowing that every bite could aggravate the situation? And egg? It's not a part of my everyday diet but I do eat it often. Poached, sunny-side-up, scrambled. Now, I couldn't possible enjoy it as well. Damn. Ignorance is bliss, indeed. This kind of medication is killer medication. Worse, medicines don't make good substitutes for chocolates and eggs. Not only do they taste bad, they also cause overdose.

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Applications are nice to look at when they're almost done. A sense of relief, a sense of excitement. A sense of worry, a sense of confusion. A sense of mixed emotions. You still go over the already completed sections every time you fill out the rest of the application. Paranoia sits pretty in your head. Annoying but uncontrollable. Slave we become!

[Submit]

Waiting is a time for agony. The most agonizing for many. Times become gloomy. It becomes pitch dark when you get rejected. But, oh so heavenly, when the good news comes in by the mail. We could only wait. I could only wait. If only we could evade the process. Just like how people run away from commitments. And responsibilities. And sadness. And the many other things.

But we can't. Just like on drugs, we become addicted to waiting. The thrill and the worries run in our veins the whole freakin time. We don't stop thinking. We get paranoid again. I'll make it. No, I'll fail. I don't think I'll make it. Wait, I must be there. But I won't be! What if they don't like it. What if they don't like me. What if, what if, what if!

Just like when too much medicine is taken, we become overdosed.

It just has to stop.

"Cheers!"

2006-11-03T01:41:00.000+08:00

Here's to hoping things finally turn out right.

*Throws Holy Kettle Corn popcorn in his mouth*

I just couldn't bear any more delays, cancelations, failures.

Save me, Feed me, Cable TV.

2006-10-30T00:41:00.000+08:00

The prospect of settling in UK, in London, will always be promising, exciting, lovely. BUT. Given that I'm already pursuing further studies in the US, therefore the prospect of studying and even settling, less, I realized one thing.: I don't really have to live the rest of my life there. A yearly visit to satisfy my craving for live football action would suffice. Forget about becoming a season ticket-holder. Not only does that empty pockets, it also ruins work focus.

As long as I get cable TV that airs football matches live of Chelsea, Arsenal, Real Madrid, Celtic and some selected from ManU, Villa and Liverpool, then I shall be fine.

Deadlines

2006-10-29T15:12:00.000+08:00

At the moment, Sugarfree is playing on the background. Then Sponge Cola will follow. Trying to enjoy some OPM alternative music. It's the only genre in Filipino music that's worth appreciating, at least for me. Well, apart from some ballads.

-------------------------------

My application essay was set to be done last Wednesday. But until now, today's Sunday, there's not even a single word. I must work on it tonight. Spare tomorrow for edition and revisions. (Paging Pau!) I'm setting Wednesday (again) for the submission of some parts of the application. I expect the recommendations to come by next week, although one of my chosen recommenders still hasn't agreed. Still waiting for his reply.

Apart from that, I'm setting tomorrow as the deadline for documents required for my I-20, which in turn I need for my F-1. Mail them the same day or Tuesday then wait. I somehow feel pressed for time. The process could take some time, not to forget that denials could also add to the long wait.

Applications are fun to work on. They're such an exciting, nevertheless scary, process.

---------------------------------

Now listening to AI performances and I just heard again Chris Daughtry singin "I Dare You" While that was the performance that got Simon commenting that he sounded like stretching his vocals to the limit, I still thought he sounded good and deserved to be in the top 2, him and Katharine. Kath's just smoooth.

Philippine Idol's failure deserves a friggin post. Maybe later. (Tonight's the new performance night.) Or when I'm done with the essay!!!

Ha. Ha. Ha.

2006-10-28T19:20:00.000+08:00

WORLD'S TOP TEN:
1. Harvard University, USA
2. University of Cambridge, UK
3. University of Oxford, UK
4/5. Massachusetts Institute of Technology and Yale University, USA
6. Stanford University, USA
7. California Institute of Technology, USA
8. University of California Berkeley, USA
9. Imperial College London, UK
10. Princeton University, USA

ASIA'S TOP TEN:
14. Peking University, China
19. University of Tokyo, Japan
19. National University of Singapore, Singapore
28. Tsing Hua University, China
29. Kyoto University, Japan
33. University of Hong Kong, Hong Kong
50. Chinese University of Hong Kong, Hong Kong
57. Indian Institute of Technology, India
58. Hong Kong University of Science and Technology, Hong Kong
61. Nanyang Technological University, Singapore

PHILIPPINE RANKINGS:
299. University of the Philippines
392. De La Salle University
484. Ateneo de Manila University
500. University of Santo Tomas

Below is the methodology used in identifying the top universities worldwide:

1. Peer review of 3703 research-active academics worldwide, asked to identify up to 30 universities in the world best for research within their own field of expertise.
2. Recruiter review of over 736 graduate employers, from regions of the world.
3. Ratio of international faculty to total faculty.
4. Ratio of international students to total students.
5. Ratio of total students to total faculty.

The THES applied weightings to each of these factors to create an overall ranking, which has seen some significant movements in the Top 200 university places since the 2005/6 research.

Nasesenti

2006-10-28T14:07:00.000+08:00

This song got me senti. If I Believe by P. Austin

If I believed in paradise, I'd swear I must be there
I'd swear I must be there right now with you
If I believed in miracles, I'd know that one was happening to me
But if I don't believe in paradise
Then miracles aren't real
Then someone tell me what is this I feel

I wanna believe it's love this time
I wanna believe my heart's not telling me a lie
But with you I can't deny
If I believed in paradise
I'd swear I'm there

If I believed in magic spells, It all would be so clear
'Cause magic spells must have brought you here
If I could see the future, I'd see if you and I were meant to be
But I dont know any magic
And tomorrow's just a dream
But something in this fantasy is real

I wanna believe it's love this time
I wanna believe my heart's not telling me a lie
I wanna believe it's love this time
I wanna believe my heart's not telling me a lie
But with you I cant deny
If I believed in paradise
I'd swear I'm there

I'm there
I'm there
If I believed.

In Defense of Cannibalism

2006-10-25T22:13:00.000+08:00

For the second time, I am posting a closing statement delivered by the fictional Allen Shore from Boston Legal. This time defending desecration of the human body and... cannibalism. Cremation without the permission of any member of the family is more acceptable. (The persons was homeless and wouldve ended up decomposing somewhere. The defendant was his best friend, his only friend.) But canibalism? At first thought, it seems impossible to defend cannibalism for all its ethical and social blunder. That it seems there is no way cannibalism could be justified, at least philosophically. However, when juxtaposed alongside rationally permissible reasons which could only be understood through a thorough study and consideration of matters, then perhaps one could find himself out of indictment.

District Attorney: ...if we've reached the day where burning the remains of a body and cannibalism doesn't offend then I guess life has no sanctity at all, does it? No dignity. Please deliver a verdict that says there is sanctity not just to the life of a human being, but also the death.

To save the defendant from being put behind bars, this is what Shore delivered:

A billion and a half Christians routinely go to Church every Sunday and ceremoniously eat the body of Christ, drinks His blood... Let's not carry on with the idea that the notion of cannibalism offends the sanctity of life. It has roots not only in sacraments but also Greek mythology. It's still glorified in certain sections of both the south and I believe, Malibu. And I might add, it's not illegal. There's no federal law, no Massachuessetts law that criminalizes cannibalism. That's why Mr. District-Attorney-my-name-appears- second-on-the-ballot-this-November Ginsberg has trumped up these other charges, desecration and so forth and lectured you on dignity and sanctity. There is no dignity in starving death. When a homeless person is left to rot on a slab, the sanctitiy of life somehow gets trivialized. Mr. District-Attorney-my-name-appears-second- on-the-ballot-this-November Ginsberg wants you to be offended. You know what offends me? We have in this country over a million homeless people. The government can't feed them, cant give them shelter, but hey let's spend $60-70,000 to prosecute one who tried to stave off death. Let's spend another $45,000 a year to imprison him. There's no dignity on that. It's cruel. Mr. Nichols was cremating his friend to prevent the indignity of the unceremonious and degrading decomposition of his body. As for why he ate, he told you. He was starving. (Looks at one of the members of the jury) When was the last time you starved? (Then at another) How about you? (Looks at the DA) I know you're not starving except for attention. Let's face it. The only reason we're all here is because canibalism makes for good television. What better to satiate some pre-election hunger pangs than a belly full of media attention. Mr. District-Attorney-my-name- appears-second-on-the-ballot-this-November Ginsberg knows that. That's why he's handling this case personally. Not only does it give him a sensational platform for his shameless self-promotion, it also fits his notion of society. That's its not about understanding the homeless. It's about prosecuting. Kinda makes you wonder, who here is really the cannibal?

3 kritisismo

2006-10-25T21:48:00.000+08:00

sabi ng marami, mas masarap magmura sa tagalog. palibhasa yun ang kinasanayan at kinalakhan. andun ang koneksiyon ng wika sa sarili. kaya nga kahit gano pa kalutong ang pagsabi mo ng fuck o ng shit, wala pa ring katulad ang isang malutong na putangina. wag mag alala sapagkat ang entry-ng ito ay hindi ko pupunuin ng mura. may ipinupunto ako. marami na kasi akong gustong punahin. naisip ko mas masarap pumuna sa tagalog. lalo na yung mga bagay na nakakapeste. nakakalintik.

(1) una, ang mga taong labo. hindi mga taong malalabo ang mata. pero pwede rin. subalit higit pa ron, ang mga taong labo ay yung mga MALALABO. hindi mo alam kung pano mag-isip. hindi mo alam kung pano tumatakbo ang utak. sa isang sandali, mabait. sa kasunod, akala mo nireregla. di mo makausap ng matino at kung ano ano ang pinagpuputak ng bibig. kulang nalang e irecord niya ang sinasabi niya at paulit ulit na patugtugin para sa buong araw na pakikinig ng ibang tao. lintek. ang mas masama pa non kung hindi mo rin maintindihan kung ano ang ipinagpupuputak. nagagalit sa napakalabong at napakagulong kadahilanan. ganito, ganyan, bakit ganito, bakit ganyan, ano ba naman to blah blah blah blah blah. ah, hindi lang sila mga taong labo. mga taong BLAH din. tapos parang inaasahan nila na ang lahat ng tao ay kapareho niya dapat mag-isip. kung hindi, lintik nalang ang walang ganti. dapat ganito, dapat ganyan. puta, di naman pwede mangyari yun. kung mangyari man at bigla kang nagkamali, magugulo na naman. panibagong dapat ganito, ganyan na naman. hayayay. at eto pa, malabo na nga ang pinagsasasabi, paulit ulit pa. akala mo ba'y tanga ang kausap na kailangan pa paulit-ulitin. nakakairita. kung pwede lang, pasakan mo na ng twalya ang bunganga matahimik lang. pati mood mo nasisira sa kaka-ngyaw-ngyaw.

(2) isa pang nakakairita ang mga taong cutesy-patutesy. isang clue lang ang kailangan mo para mahuli ang mga taong ito. basahin mo ang mga text message nila sa ibang tao at hanapin ang salitang ME, as in AKO. Binggo. Ayan na sa harap mo ang cutesy-patutesy people. ang hindi ko maintindihan sa mga taong ito ay kung bakit kailangan pa nila gumamit ng ME, kung pwede namang KO. PAREHONG 2 LETTERS YUN!!! okay lang sana kung nag-eenglish pagtetext e. tipong, give ME this, lend ME that. wag naman bigyan mo ME o pahiram ME. lintek talaga. nakakainis. kung pwede lang, kung mageenglish ka lang din naman, e ituloy mo na. wag kang magtipid at gagamitin lang ang ME. kung tagalog naman, please lang, diretsong tagalog na. kung iniisip mong cute ka pakinggan, leche, hinde! nagmumukha kang jologs, kung hindi ka pa kabilang nila.

anong pakelam ko? onga naman, di naman ako ang nagmumukhang tanga sa kakaME niyo.

(3) panghuli. mashadong malalim ang buhay para paikutan ng mga chismis. napaka-fucking-raming pwedeng pag usapan na di hamak na mas matino kesa sa mga chismis na napupulot mo sa tabi tabi. halimbawa, si ganito ganyan nabuntis ng shota. e 21 palang siya. kung alam ko lang, kung sang kanto lang napulot ni babae si lalaki. o nagkapulutan lang sila sa isang madilim na kanto. nalibugan at iyon, nagdalihan. pathetic. mga walang magawa sa buhay. buti kamo kung kaya bigyan ng magandang buhay ang anak. at buti kamo kung kaya na sustentuhan. mahiya naman kayo sa mga magulang niyo. o kaya naman, si ganito ganyan, bumagsak sa school o tumigil. walang kaso kung tumigil dahil mahirap o kapos sa pera. pero yun tumigil dahil ayaw na nila mag-aral? langya. good luck nalang sa mga buhay niyo. marami kayong mahahanap na trabaho. madali ang pera niyan. magpakaputa lang kayo, tapos na! kung hindi naman mga personal na buhay ang pinagchichismisan, mga buhay ng walang kakwenta kwentang mga artista. unang una, mga artista lang yan. karamihan pa sa kanila, mga walang pinag aralan. mga aaanga-anga. well, kung sabagay nga naman, kung ganon, e di madali rin gumawa ng adventure para sa kanila. mga sikat pa naman sila. madaling pag usapan. ang mga taong ito naman, nahuhumaling. natutuwa sa walang katapusang kwento ng pagsasamahan, paghihiwalayan, pag-aanakan, pagdedemandahan, paglolokohan at kung ano ano pang kalokohan. susko, maawa naman kayo at mahiya sa mga sarili niyo.

A Call for Professionalism v2.0: When People Get Downright Bitchy

2006-10-23T19:58:00.000+08:00

A couple of months ago, I hired the services of a company called International Education Specialists (Inter-Ed) to work on my applications for foreign studies in the UK. At first everything was going well until things didnt turn out right. They got me an offer from a prestigious university but I missed the opportunity of going because of my parents' late decision to not let me go. They wanted me to go to US instead. So I informed Inter-Ed. However, as a person who wants to do a lot of things, finalizing the course I want to pursue became very difficult for me that my decision changed twice. But there was no processing of papers on their part. They only had to bear with the couple of emails I sent them to inform them of my change in course. So I don't think it was so bad. Annoying and laughable but not so bad. However, the lady, the boss, who I was corresponding with still seemed to be hung over from my inability to go to UK. So most of her subsequent replies to my mails were downright rude, insulting and unprofessional, perhaps fearing for herself that after processing papers or giving me another offer, I'll change my mind again, rendering their efforts futile. The last one being, "Oh please, you're a graduate student. Not high school. Act like one!"

It's such a shame that she's the boss of their company. Someone so unprofessional treats her fickle clients like that. She must work on her manners. She's educated and all but perhaps she was absent during those days when vaues and manners were being taught in class. In an attempt to respond to her utterly rude response, this is what I ended up with:

Ma'am, again, I understand your impatience. But for one, I don't think I could be blamed completely for this. I know this conversation wouldn't be happening had I gone to UK. But I didn't. And it seems you're still hung over what happened that for every decision I made after that incident, you already seemed to be worried that I will change my mind again. Understandable. And for that, you fear that you might have to work on it again then in the end I would render your efforts futile. Again, understandable. I know that for you, this is already an extreme case of fickleness... and in your words, so high school. But for me, it's not. It's beyond that. I don't decide simply because I fancy one over the other at a particular moment. Nor am I immature enough to decide on something. Having to decide which one to pursue is a very difficult task for me and when you ask me to just make up my mind, you don't understand that you're asking for something big. I am a person who wants to achieve so many things and every field I seemed to have considered is really something I wanted to do at least for some time in the past. I didn't expect for this to happen. If having to listen to me change my decision so many times is tough for you, that difficulty doesn't compare to the difficulty I had to go through every single time for the past 5 months or so. At least, I believe I deserved some understanding and consideration for that.
For someone who has been in this business for such a long time, I was at least hoping you to be more professional, more lenient, and more forgiving. But your tone and manner of responding (the incessant use of bolding, underlining and most especially !!!) prove otherwise and it's frustrating. I am the client, admittedly a fickle one. However, I was hoping this matter would be handled in a much better and more acceptable manner. With more patience. I truly don't appreciate being treated this way. My fickleness and the way I have been corresponding may have been high school type but responding the same way is stooping to that level of high school-ness. While I may have changed my tone before, I don't think that it warranted the same tone from you. After all, we both know you're a professional. Please don't prove me wrong.

Graey's Anatomy

2006-10-22T15:48:00.000+08:00

Grey's Anatomy is on its third season and the episodes just keep getting better. I know many people who are hooked to House M.D. instead of this, probably because this one could just get overly dramatic at time. Most of the time, just plain dramatic. Really, I am in no position to compare the 2 shows. The most I've seen of House was perhaps 5-10 minutes of it. Despite the fact that many people prefer it over Grey's, I still choose the latter. I may be a fan of drama, rather than just pure (hospital) action. But I guess, admiration for the show is more than just its drama.

The show is called Grey's Anatomy; and there's a book called Gray's Anatomy, which is the complete compilation of information regarding human anatomy. I believe, it's the doctors' bible. What does it have to do with the show? Well, the book provides every bit of information there is to know about humans, at least anatomically. It features every single bit of nerve, valve, and bones there is in a human body. It studies human beings. In the same, although abstract, way, the show finds delight on 'dissecting' human life through one's experiences, joys, miseries, complications, troubles, griefs, instincts, births and even deaths. Every week, the writers delve into a particular human experience and provides a reflection of how that particular experience affects one's thoughts, deeds and words, his relation with people and his relation with himself.

More than just the drama, the show reminds us and sometimes teaches us the meaning of life. And life isn't always about having fun. Life is an experience full of grim. For that reason, life deserves some reflection. More than just detailing out the technicalities of the human science, more than cutting open the chest of a patient or fixing his face or separating two individuals who got stuck while copulating, and more than just saving lives, apparently, life is also about sadness. Surprises. Worries. Frustration. Desperation. Depression. Grief. Agony... And hope.

We are subdued by life's big dramas.

Cheers for A Great Friend!

2006-10-19T23:38:00.000+08:00

A shining moment for my ever great and reliable friend Belai. You know I'm so proud o'ya!

That reads: Guillermo, Annabelle, Philippines, AAAAa, Economics, UCL.

Belai attended Bellerbys College, one of the finest college prep schools in England. The school produces an excellent batch of incoming college students every year. They go to Cambridge, Oxford, University College London, London School of Economics, King's College London, University of Nottingham, University of Manchester and University of Bristol, just to name some.

Belai's ranked number 5 and the only one from the Philippines. (But wait where's her sister? She also did great. She's attending Oxford. Smart asses.) She's one of the closest friends I've made in college; one of the few great ones, I must say. Trustworthy, reliable, and... both. Her unfaltering belief in me makes her an even better friend. (Of course!) By the way, she's also becoming more and more interesting with her UK adventures. *wink* Tell me more about it when we meet again, online or otherwise!

You wanna be in this blog, too? Dream, Believe, Survive. (Mwahaha!)

Crash

2006-10-18T00:27:00.000+08:00

No. This isn't a film review of the movie Crash, what I think is the American 'Jologs'. (But it's a nice movie. You go see it yourself.) Rather this is about the dream I've been having.

In the past, I didn't really mind the occasional surges of dreams I had. Occasional, because probably 90% of the time, I had dreamless nights. Make it 70, for those nights where I did dream about something but come waking up, I couldn't remember a thing. But last night, it was brought to my attention that I have been having recurring dreams. So it happened twice or thrice before but I didn't pay enough attention to it. (Weird, ain't it? I know I'm supposed to be aware that it WAS a recurring dream the second time I had it.) I thought it was just nothing. However, when I dreamt about it again last night, the first thing I thought when I woke up was, this must mean something.

Okay, so I was never really a fan of dream interpretation. I thought they were only a hobby for people who don't have better things to do. You know, just like the shitty manghuhulas on TV. Before, I would've thought that whatever they said was rubbish. Just plain meaningless. Yet when I looked for the meaning of this recurring dream, I realized the joke was on me. The interpretation was rather timely and...sensible. Quite true if someone were to look at the situation I'm in.

Fine, I've stalled long enough. This is the recurring dream: I'm just standing at one spot, looking up in the sky, staring at the huge plane a thousand miles above me. But as I continously gaze at it, it just descends, quite quickly. It goes down, down and further down until it finally crashes on to something near me. For every single time I've had the dream, the only different thing was the setting. If I remember it right, the first time I had the dream, I was in an airport. To be precise, I was in a hangar. (Remember that part of the video of the Backstreetboys? I Want It That Way? Yes, that one.) In my dream, I saw the plane crash and explode in front of me. Of course, I stood a bit far from where it crashed. So far yet still so close.

The second time, it was basically the same. Only this time, the setting was in a school. In my high school to be exact. The mouth of the plane first touched the roof of the building until it finally crashed, its parts flying everywhere. Oh, it was less explosive though. Hmm, thinking about it, I'm not sure now whether this was really the second time I had the dream or the first one, and the one above, the second time. Either way, doesn't matter. Finally, the one last night. I was standing on the road. The details are blurry. Couldn't remember whether there was a traffic jam, and I was just on the side, watching and waiting for the plane to crash. The plane comes crushing down again. I felt the heavy impact it made; I just feared for myself. Maybe that's what triggered me to finally look for the meaning of this dream.

Among the many interpretations given by several sites I consulted, this one was the clearest, nevertheless still similar, interpretation:

To dream that a plane crashes, suggests that you have set overly high and unrealistic goals for yourself. Your goals may be too high and are impossible to realize. You are in danger of having it come crashing down. Alternatively, your lack of confidence, self-defeating attitude and self-doubt toward the goals you have set for yourself is represented by the crashing airplane; you do not believe in your ability to attain those goals. Loss of power and uncertainty in achieving your goals are also signified.

WOW. Talk about timeliness, completeness and accuracy.

Drooling over shirts

2006-10-16T22:23:00.001+08:00

I've been dying to get Chelsea kits. I hate it that Adidas doesn't sell it here. Crapness. I really don't have much to say about this except that I'm dying to have them. Just look:

This polo shirt looks very clean. It's worth £23.
To be exact, it's at £22.99. I say not bad.

Then this is Chelsea's home kit. Their away kit's in white.
Doesn't feel as Chelsea-ish as this one. Blue is our colour!
Costs around £30

SWEEEEEETTTTT!!!!!!!!!!

Euphoria!

2006-10-12T22:57:00.000+08:00

The best moment of my day, week and month came in at around 6-ish tonight through email. The first five words my eyes read were enough to put me at my most euphoric state in years: Application Decision, Dear Adriaan, Congratulations.

I. Feel. Fucking. Good.

Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam!

Prospectus

2006-10-11T18:33:00.000+08:00

Right now, I already have a stack of prospectuses from UK and US universities. About 5 more came by the mail today. I could only shrug at the thought of attending any of these outstanding universities. For one, my grades are not competitive enough to give me a high chance of getting in. Just take a look at some of them: Georgetown, UCLA, Berkeley, UCL and LSE. It would be foolish to convince myself that I could make it. Actually before, I did. My pompous self allowed it. My credentials are not poor to be honest, but they're barely enough and 'enough' most of the time isn't even, well, enough. If I were still in school, I would be a D student. Passing but still not quite.

Anyway, I shouldn't even begin to attempt to fly to Neverland where everything is but beautiful and perfect. After all, what I have are mere prospectuses. From the word prospect. As a prospective student, I rationalize, analyze and wonder about the possibilities of attending one of those universities, which doesn't even come close to translating to ACTUALLY attending it. The stack doesn't tell you anything. Or maybe it does but it couldn't be anything significant. It only tells you that I have the luxury of time surfing the web, looking for the good schools and clicking 'send' buttons countless times and voila, the prospectuses are right at my doorstep.

The whole idea of leaving, of studying abroad is exciting but along with the excitement comes the horrendous experience of waiting. Time unfolding just gets the best of us. Within that period of waiting are the chances to rethink about our plans, explore other options, and unfortunately sometimes, divert to something new. Whether or not we change our mind somewhere along the way about where we want to go, we are still in that stage of daydreaming. But we shouldn't even forget that it could be a ridiculous activity. Free it is, indeed, yet oftentimes, it only becomes the painful dictation of what we wish to fulfill. (Good for you if it's not the case.) Personal experiences have taught me that. It is most difficult once we find ourselves hinging on a specific thing, no matter how bright the prospect of it seems to be. Daydreaming only creates victims among us and its effects depend on the how much time we spend doing it. The more fixated we become, the more difficult it is to detach ourselves from it. The best thing we can do is hope.

Yet hoping is futile if in the end, prospects don't actualize. If they remain prospects, hopes, or dreams. Hoping, I believe, could be either of the two things: that which tells us something good (or better) COULD come our way, keeping us hopeful; and that which tells us that something good WILL come our way, fooling us that hoping and expecting are one and the same. Many times, we fall into that trap of being fooled. We hope so much without realizing the pain it could bring. The moment everything comes crushing down, we just resort to paradigm shifting. We try to look at things differently and adjust accordingly, just to make ourselves feel a tad better. But the process itself becomes problematic. Many times, we attempt to change our thinking. We move from the second trap to the first one.

Indeed it is relieving to be thinking positively and end it there. Something good could come my way. However, the fact that it remains intangible and futuristic makes paradigm shifting one hell of a job. We just go back to where it all started, the first crisis, the waiting for the good. Hoping makes us feel better about some terrible, even traumatic, experience. So it helps, but we still couldn't deny the fact that we remain vulnerable. It is all in the mind and what is in the mind could drive us crazy as we become exposed to present and forthcoming experiences. We continuously wait, many times in vain.

In the end, only until something real, tangible and in-your-face happens could we stop hoping. Only until the prospect becomes actual could we truly begin to feel really good. Because it is only when we experience the goodness itself could we truly think, feel, and say that it IS the good thing.

(un)certainties

2006-10-10T23:06:00.000+08:00

Until several months ago, if I were to be asked the philosophical question of who I am, I couldn't even begin to think of a good, concrete answer that would really identify me. By 'identify', I mean a characteristic that would set me apart from the rest. Perhaps I would've said, a grade-conscious Atenean, a spender, a fan of Accounting and Finance, a regular of the library and the cafeteria and the other mundane things one could possibly come up with. But certainly, these are things you so could easily find in other people (except for the Accounting and Finance part). I wouldn't even be able to tell the things I'm passionate about because back then, there was none. My life was a dull routine. Wake up, go to school, study, eat, study, eat then on weekends, go out, eat, shop and eat.

But now, I suppose, I know myself more than I did before. Six months was what it took for me to separate myself from MYSELF and look at ME from the outside. At the moment, I feel like I can already pinpoint to the more personal things that would make me ME as opposed to the gray blurry portrait of myself in the past. The first 2 Philosophy classes I had in the Ateneo seemed to have had an effect on me, on the matters of self-exploration, -reflection, and -discovery (and perhaps even those of other Beings. Lovely Philo shite.)

Pardon me, but I couldn't escape from mentioning the sport. Right, football. This forms a huge chunk of that recent self-discovery. Five to ten years ago, I was an MTV junkie- didn't care about the world, more so about sports. But that junkiness didn't require a constant following like football fanaticism (or is it obsession?) does now. All it asked for was to sit on the couch like a couch potato, glue my eyes on the TV and that was it; it didn't solicit as much effort as the sport does now. MTV didn't require educating one's self, unless of course he is a die-hard celeb fan (who follows the lives of his idols from their time of birth until at present) or he doesn't know how to speak/read. Football does. The formations, the positions of players, pre- and post-match analyses et cetera. 99% of the time, when you catch me on messenger, my status would read FOOTBALL; the remaining 1% is accounted for by occasional emo outbursts.

From the top of my head, I am...:
1. ...a footie fanatic. I just have never been as passionate with anything as I am with this; friends I often talk to should be a witness to this. Seriously. (As I always joke to a friend, 'Thinking football? Think Kervin.')
2. ...a person who just loves, loves, loves spending on books, food and clothes.
3. ...a person who dreams of reaching places only he could reach through travel books (which I have none, by the way.)
4. ...a person who doesn't really care what sort of job he lands, as long as it's not in the Philippines and more importantly, it requires leaving or traveling (preferrably, it's got something to do with the sport).
5. ...a person who appreciates almost every other genre of music; nobody in my family appreciates as many genres as I do.
6. ...a person who seems SOMEHOW capable of putting money matters aside, in favor of a more noble purpose (...that travels). Nevertheless I still dream of getting rich (and acquiring my own FC).
7. ...a person who doesn't mind spending so much (financially) on something as long as it's not an imitation, of poor quality and design. I. just. hate. fakes.
8. ...a person who is so much different from his siblings and parents yet is also so similar in some ways.

9. ...(finally, I think) a person who wants to do so many things (and believes he is capable of doing any of those) that deciding on a specific path is almost an impossible task. I can only be certain of this uncertain future attached to my self.

Despite the unsolicited proclamation of self-identity, which I believe only screams two things (football and traveling), it is amazing to think that my uncertain future could only open up to endless possibilities of wonderful opportunities for self-realization and discovery, all of which would only add to the list above of 'self-certainties'.

Limang-Dipang-Tao

2006-10-09T20:59:00.000+08:00

Church traffic is just like traffic on the roads. Or is it the other way around?

When on the road, you just love to hate people who drive with uber slowness as if they're sightseeing on the humongous billboards ornamenting the whole stretch of EDSA-Guadalupe. (We should thank Milenyo that many of those boards are now gone, opening us up to a better view of the hopeful polluted Manila sky.) Also, there are those who look like they're rushing to the ER, which is still a good (or bad?) 100 miles from where they are, finding the need to counterflow and HONK!!! HONK!!! or overtake faster than the speed of light, then HONK!!! HONK!!! HONK!!!. Then at times you get so fucking relieved to finally be out of a bumper-to-bumper situation, only to realize that the joke is on you again after seeing that the traffic was just caused by either of these stupid things: a vehicle (and pray it's not a bus!!!) breaking down in the middle of the road, egotistic maniacs parking so wrongly on either side of the road, making passage one hell of a job for many or two vehicles smashing against each other (pray again neither is a bus!!!) because either of the two drivers is so fucking stupid or both of them just plainly pathetically are. You just couldn't be any happier to come across NORMAL drivers who seem to share the same sentiments about the same kinds of people, therefore, drive the way that's agreeable to you. If only you could roll down your window and say 'Thank You' to them, releasing that much needed sigh of relief.

Then, notice the different ways people go in and out of the church. They're a complete replica of the vehicular traffic in Manila. As the final song plays and people start to go out in long distorted lines of God-knows-how-many, you would encounter churchgoers of different types: from the most cooperative, walking in the same pace and direction as you do, or at least in the way they should be walking, minding that there are people behind them who are also trying to find a (good) seat; to the most annoying, walking like they're on a procession or flores de mayo, not mindful of the people behind them and thinking that walking a tad faster would ruin their gowns worth not much, hair of 10 layers of gel and make-up courtesy of Viveka Vavaji's Beauty Parlor. There are also those who habitually turn the patio into the chismis nook of their sleazy barkada, with the end of the mass merely the time for meeting, forgetting that they're blocking the way of many more worthy and important people, who have a more worthy and important place to be at. The likes of these people are the ones causing the ridiculously heavy traffic on the road.

And they make going to the church as unlikeable as it is to drive along EDSA... ANYTIME.

Coffee Beans

2006-10-08T02:22:00.000+08:00

It always becomes a funny situation when you find yourself in Rustan's perfume area, or any other mall's for that matter. Agents would come running after you and say the exact same thing every single time, "Sir, (insert brand of perfume)? We have a new scent. Try niyo. Para sa inyo po ba? Eto oh." For some, it's a habit of snubbing these people. (Actually, sometimes they could get irritating.) But for some, including you, the temptation's just too hard to resist. You get pulled by these people to their spot to test almost every other scent of the brand available, on strips or on skin . For instance, it would be 3 separate strips for 3 different scents. (Be thankful if all 3 smell good. Otherwise, shoot the person.)

Then, the ass in you remembers the idea that these people chase after you just to have a sniff of their products. So you pretentiously say 'thank you' politely to the person and continue walking around. But you also remember that while you really don't have any intentions of buying, to make it appear that you do, and therefore, make them hope (and pitch!) even further, the ass asks for the price. Even the size variations. You compare then sniff again. Then leave.

Subsequently, the splurge of agents comes again. Three more strips and a spray to your left wrist. You leave, say thank you, and walk around. Sniff to the strip or to the wrist to pretend you thought the scent was incredible and that you're interested. You continue that till you turn to the left and you're greeted by another agent. "Sir, (insert brand of perfume)? We have a new scent. Try niyo. Para sa inyo po ba? Eto oh."

If you don't like the brand- well, some people say 'no, thank you' -you still do the same things. Ask how much and what sizes are available, and sniff, sniff. Spend 15 minutes and you'd be holding 10 different scents on strips and 5 more on your hand, with almost every sprayable area of it-left and right wrist, back of palm, already showered in perfume samples.

Sniffing 3 different, often strong, scents could already be irritating to the nose. You sniff more then it already becomes itchy. Nose needs some pinching, (don't pick it), to somehow return it to its normal senses. At the end, you realize that while embarking on the crazy adventure of misleading the agents and getting their hopes up, or to make it sound good, embarking on the journey of searching for that One Scent, could be heavenly, it could also be irritating and dizzying. And your only quick remedy, thankfully there is one, is a sniff of coffee beans.

The Law of Demand and Supply

2006-10-03T21:59:00.000+08:00

Because of the typhoon, generators are selling like hot pancakes.

And stores are slowly running out of stock.

Impulsive Mistake?

2006-10-01T02:47:00.000+08:00

I was supposed to be in Manila today to take the LSAT. But I'm not. I cancelled it several days ago after an extreme twisting and turning of events. I went from wanting to go to law school, which was precisely the reason why I signed up for the LSAT in the first place, to wanting to go to med school and finally, to choosing something which was never an option before. It's just mentally tiring to having to adjust and decide and adjust again to each of the option, especially when you thought that that was gonna be it. Scrolling down this page, you'd come across an entry entitled, "finally. at ease." Or something like that. It was the time when I thought I was settling for med. But then again, things always have a way of screwing things up. So now, I'm down to my last acceptable never-was-an-option-before option. I am compromising. If it means not having to feel guilty my whole life, then fine. Let's meet halfway through. Compromise. Something I'm not really very eager about but nevertheless acceptable. Anyway, I'm getting but a partial refund of what I had to pay. It's unfair but it seems to prove that indecisiveness indeed costs a lot. In numbers, that would be $76 + $16 for the reviewers. Or roughly about 4,600 bucks.

When I was consulting people about my dilemma, the consistently single answer I've gotten from them was, right, think about what I REALLY want. It sounds easy but.... when you want to do so many things and time (and money) are constricting all of these things, putting you on the spot of having to choose, it becomes difficult. Perhaps, people who know what they want to be at the onset are envious. They no longer have to suffer this long and tedious process of having to decide. They already know what they want. They're just waiting for that day when they will formally be a doctor, a nurse, a lawyer, an engineer, an accountant or whatever. Their fates are sealed, have been, and so they're bound to follow that particular path.

But for people like me, it is such a major problem. Questions like 'what do you really want to be?" or "what do you love doing?" requires singling out that which stands out. Thing is, nothing stands out or it seems that no matter how hard you try thinking about that, either you just end up feeling sleepy and not finding an answer or you just flip a coin and make your call. Either of which don't help a single bit. They just aggravate the situation, slowly eating up your time, which you would rather freeze so it doesn't get wasted.

Slowly, I'm realizing it was a mistake that I didn't push through with the plan of having to shift to Bio when I got accepted in the Ateneo. If I did, by now I'd be halfway through my first year of med school and things could be going well. (I am such a bad decision maker. I am always deceived by things I think I want only to realize in the end it's not really what I want.) I used to defy to idea of regret. I thought it was pointless, waste of time, and ridiculous. We are responsible for our actions and every bit of decision we make must be the every bit of thing we want to be and do. But. Mistakes come along our way once or twice or many other times. They could be big or small mistakes. At one point, we would have both. I guess in my case, it was that decision that was the big mistake. While feeling regretful of that is pointless, that it's not gonna bring back the four years I've spent in college yaddah yaddah, it is still human. Sometimes, no matter how principled we seem to think we are, we can't avoid feeling bummed by the wrong decision we make and think about the what ifs. It doesn't help to bring things back, but it does help to put things into perspective. You think, you feel, you learn.

Grey's Anatomy's second episode for the season talks about impulses. There are things we can't control. Many times we wish we were able to control them; sometimes we're thankful we didn't or we just wish not to, at all. I wonder if all of this is pure impulse. A flight of fancy, a whim. Med, Law, and the third option. Sometimes, our impulses make us feel good about the decisions we make. But sometimes, they don't. They make us feel like shit. They play with our minds deceiving us into believing that that something is what we really want. The next thing we know, we fancy something else. Precisely my case. And yes, it is making me feel like shit.

Should I leave it up to a coin to decide for me? No matter how irrational the method seems? I guess amidst all this, the only thing I know is, I want to leave. I want to travel and neither med nor law allows much of that, not anytime soon, or both. Med might require me to stay here for the next 6 years or so of my life. (Going to US for med school would require me to spend a year PRIOR to MS to stduy sciences. Something about matching qualifications shit.) Law, on the other hand, is very contrained. I wish to travel to Europe and some other parts of the world. Given that the US is my only option for it, I don't think I'd even come close to fulfilling the dream of travelling. Therefore, could I be right in choosing neither of the two and just going for what wasnt an option before?

I've said this so many times and I'll say it again. Choosing this path requires me to take a risk. I'm not sure I could get into both programs. (If I don't, I'm damned.) And that's freaky. These are the 2 things that could define my future yet they're very much uncertain for me. The long period of waiting just unnecesarily allows me to be all to confident about making it. Most of the time, my confidence is a bad omen. The more confident I become, the more screwed up things get. The more pessimism I display, the more surprises come my way. Unfortunately, I'm on the confident side at the moment. It couldn't be good. I should start worrying. Paranoia usually is my savior.

Post-BreakUp

2006-09-27T02:54:00.000+08:00

It's as if I just got out of a relationship, as if I just broke up with someone.

Post-breakUp, all you think about are the what ifs, the could have beens and should have beens. You get stuck at the moment with the idea of moving forward unimaginable, even unbearable. You are still hung over from last night's arguments, the shouting and clamoring to stay together, to make things work, to just be happy. You don't want to move on because you think things could still work out. All it takes is one more chance. You don't want to move on because you fear that moving on would mean disposing of all the memories you have left of the other. You fear that moving on would mean, everything's okay now and that maybe you already found someone else more worthy of your time, and effort. (If not, you can only but hope that someday, your paths will cross again.) It is scary because you think moving on completely disregards every bit of attachment you've formed with the other. And that it's all about forgetting. Forgive and forget, they say.

In my case, the someone isn't a person. It's a something. It's not a who but a what and when. And where. I just faxed my transcript and IELTS results to TFAS tonight; mailed the original this afternoon. The way things are going, it's like I've already moved on and decided that this is THE path. Neither the path of med nor of law but rather that of uncertainty. I couldn't see specifically what I'll be doing in 5 or 10 years' time if I'm able to pursue and accomplish the current plan. I don't even have the slightest clue what the world will throw at me by then. (The problem of indecisiveness caused by having an abundant supply of wants and aspirations is just as bad as the problem of indeciveness caused by the absence of such wants and aspirations.) What matters now, actually, is that I begin to follow A path, despite the surrounding uncertainties.

I put the IELTS results sheet along with the other documents I faxed earlier back into the huge yellow envelope containing my UK mats. For a long time, the envelope just served as an additional ornament to the already cluttered room. It just sat there on one side. Days passed without it getting noticed. But tonight, the 'ornament' turned into the envelope of what ifs, could have beens and should have beens. In a way, I was the same hopeful ex-boyfriend, thinking that as I pursue some other plan in some other place, UK and I would someday meet again*. Someday, not anytime soon. But I was kidding myself, I guess. I am still hung up on everything that transpired; still strongly wondering, what if.

I am like the ex-boyfriend- stuck at the moment, lingering on the possibilities, and too chicken to move on. I fear for the same reasons. I fear that if I move on, I would completely forget about this and find satisfaction in my non-UK adventures. (Forget UK!) I don't want to move on. I wouldn't like to think that everything's ok now; I take that to mean defeat. Actually, like him, all I know is I still want her, badly. But the uncertainty surrounding the unfolding of events leaves me with no other option but to wait, just that, eagerly hoping that one day, we would finally be back together. No need to succumb to the complete post-breakup oblivion of the heartache.

*I know, I myself didn't think I would be writing about this again, much more write about this creatively

Go 'Teneo!

2006-09-25T18:34:00.000+08:00

I am no fan of basketball but this was more than great, amazing, wonderful and all the other synonyms you could think of. It was MAGIC! AMDG. Yeeebaaah!

Am I just having too much of football?

2006-09-24T14:03:00.000+08:00

Just like my usual habit goes, the first thing I did when I went online was look for football stuff. Of course, I was elated that Chelsea won last night against Fulham and the two goals both came from Lampard. He seems to be going back in his ol good form. I can't wait for the critics to shush and eat their words. Screw you people, screw you. Anyway, when I thought of emailing my former PolSci teacher to remind her of the recommendation letter I asked her to write for me, I just remembered that I have my part to do as well. I've been delaying things that now I only have tonight to do the 2 essays. (Tomorrow's my target.) They're rather short but I couldn't possibly risk screwing this up. Not making it to this program would mean I'd have to spend another 4 months here, that is, assuming that I would get accepted in the other program which starts later on. If not, then I stay even longer, maybe forever.

At this moment, I am still somehow struggling to identify the most important political issues surrounding the country. Or maybe, I am just worrying too much that I might write a less interesting story when I already have the issue I need in mind. All I have to do is put them in writing. Well, more than that, I also haven't given the issue/s much thought. It seems I'm back to everyone's favorite, usual way- cramming. (I miss school.) I guess I don't have a choice but to spend an hour or two thinking about this. At least of the 2 essays I need, one is only for scholarship which I can opt not to do (but would be better if I did).

My plans don't give me a definite predictable future. Going to law school foresees one becoming a lawyer in the same way that med school foresees another one becoming a doctor. We don't know which kind but at least, it's a definite 'end'. Fine, a much more definite 'end'; not definitely definite. The path I'm looking into right now don't allow that. I don't know if it's because it allows for flexibility but the whole uncertainty issue's just kinda scary. Reminds me of one book I'm reading right now, Fever Pitch by Nick Hornby, a huge Arsenal fan.

It's my book of the moment. Im halfway through with it and the beauty of the book comes from his method of relating the football stories to life. In many parts though, both exist separately, each merely as a story on its own. Im loving the book not only because I can relate to his football stories but also I can identify with some of the things that happened to him. There's a part in the book which talks about how he's such a football freak that almost everything, if not already EVERYTHING, revolves around it. For instance, he doesn't care about the future or that he doesnt have a clue about what his future will be. All that mattered was that his team won or that they played well. Even when he was already in college, he didnt give much a damn about it. Football still contained him. In a sense, his life didnt seem to have a direction. It was in that moment when I realized, I could be following the same path. Im so engrossed with the sport that while I do have plans, I feel like my life also doesn't have a definite direction, at least at the moment. It's scary to think that I find too much time for the sport. It's scary to think about the paralellism of our lives. A big what if in keeps running in my head. This whole waiting thing is kinda overwhelming. Tiring. Exciting and yet scary.

finally. at ease.

2006-09-14T01:50:00.000+08:00

It would've been a better time to write about this last night, the night before, or any day within the last week when my mind was still heck disgruntled and confused as to which career path I want to follow. The experience was just excruciating. When you are considering two extremes, each with its attractive pros and disconcerting and disheartening cons, the thinking just couldn't get any worse. I wanted to be either a lawyer or a doctor. Both are high paying. Both I found to be very interesting. Yet one aspect of each option casts a doubt on myself. Questions like, 'Can I survive it?' or 'Will I succeed?' or 'Do I have the necessary skills?'- these are the things that scare me and worry me so much I really didn't have the strength to make up my mind so quickly. At one point or actually many points, I was partly wishing I could be both in a maximum of 5-6 years of studying because if I could, then I wouldn't even have to give the last ditch effort thinking about which one I'd rather take.

I guess in the end, it's not simply a matter of what your heart tells you because while your heart suggests you become a lawyer, you don't become a slave to that without even attempting to figure out why lawyering is the profession you want to have for the rest of your life. Asking WHY is always the most important. Figuring and sorting out your values make it much easier for you to weigh things out. While it becomes much easier, it still apparently isn't easy.

Momentary mental (and emotional) obstructions may still get in the way. The more intense your wanting for both is, the more frequent and intense those obstructions will be. While you thought you may have already decided on something, unexpectedly, you will get confused again because at that very moment, you just feel that your mind's playing tricks on you again convincing you that 'you' want the other option. So you go back to step one again, THINKING. For the next 2 nights or so, the same uncontributive reflections and questions would pop up and make deciding terribly difficult for you. Again. Soon you realize, the very single question you have been looking for to finally shed light onto the matter is just a three-letter word, why. And to say 'That's what I want' is unacceptable.

Thankfully, I found my answer to the why question. While lawyering and doctoring almost have the same end goal that I desire, it was more of my own personal reason that I finally was able to reach a decision. Yes, despite the odds and what-ifs and fears. It was a decision I am promising to myself to be wrapped with commitment. All I need, just like in the past, was for things to fall into place. Right now, I couldn't be more thankful that this is almost finally over. At least the biggest problem is over. Ahhh, I feel so fucking relieved I want to scream at the top of my lungs.

PS Last worry- house. Please, I need my own room, my own PC, my own.

Footballing journey of the late bloomer.

2006-09-13T21:52:00.000+08:00

I'm already 21. As shameful as it is to admit this, I have not had the slightest clue of the beauty of football until I tried watching the 2006 World Cup. Take note, the year was 2-0-0-6. Back then, there wasn't even any intention of staying glued to the TV. I carried the 'what-the-heck' attitude as I switched on the TV to catch a glimpse of the opening ceremonies. I even almost shut it off a minute later after I saw Shakira was on. But I didn't, again thinking, what the heck. The only thing I can remember about the World Cup of 2002 was that Ricky Martin sang La Copa dela Vida in almost every other show that was on. Having wanted to be 'in' and 'cool' at that moment, I thought, I'll give it a shot. For someone like me who didn't care about ANY sort of sport at all my entire life, it was apparently the hype as the internet screamed every single day, 'The World Cup is coming, OLE! OLE! OLE!' I can't imagine being left out. After all, I've already been left out for the past 21 years of my life, not knowing how something like football could be so captivating and beautiful.

And then football fanaticism was born.

When the World Cup started, just like everybody did, I picked my teams. Because I didn't have a single knowledge of which teams and players were good (well maybe except for the overly popular Brazil and Ronaldinho whose name I couldn't even spell and remember until recently), I had to rely on instinct. I was somehow aware of the buzz created by English football as well as its fans. Also, somewhere in my childhood I can clearly remember dreaming to step foot on English soil. So I chose England first. Then because Germany were the host, they became my second team. My third choice turned to Italy simply because I like Italy. Whether they sucked real bad or played bloody well, I didn't care. Finally, it was a toss between Ukraine and Holland. They were chosen again for superficial reasons.

...Finally, Shakira was off the hook and the first game of the event began. It was Germany against Costa Rica. One of my teams was on. At first, I saw it just like how I did any other show- uncritically and uncomprehendingly. That time, it was just a 'game' for me. But that didn't last very long. The running men soon became known to me as defenders, midfielders, forwards. Germany scored within the first 6 minutes. Then again at 17th. Then at the 61st. There was just adrenaline rush. The game caught me by surprise. I appreciated the game! I appreciated A game for the first time. England was not playing until the following day. I followed the game of my first-choice team, as expected, but this time more closely, with my gradually growing level of enthusiasm for the sport. I knew I had to pick a favorite. Then I spotted a lad who seemed to constantly aim for a goal. Frank Lampard. Then came their second game, and third. He was consistently performing well. Right at that moment, I realized he was the man.

Unexpectedly, the group faced an early exit as they were beaten by the Portuguese. Only God knew how disappointed and shocked I was. The team lost in a shootout. Even Lampard missed getting the ball in. I stared agape at the TV screen. It was 530am here in the Philippines. I still haven't slept. I stayed up until that time to catch their game; something I've never imagined I would do for a sport, moreso for a team. But I did. And yet I got disappointed.

Apparently, I eventually fell in love with the game. I've never felt that excited over upcoming and ongoing games. I never saw myself cheering for a team until then. I never expected to be sympathizing with millions of England fans. Right there and then, I knew that the moment the World Cup ends, my love for the game continues.

A month after came the EPL. Again, being a novice to the world of football, I struggled to pick my favorite team. But my initial thought was, it might be sensible to pick one based on the players I liked in the recently concluded World Cup. Most of my favorites came from England, apparently. Then a couple from each of the other World Cup teams- Germany, Holland, and Ukraine. The names that first came up were: Frank Lampard, Joe Cole and John Terry of England. Then followed Miroslav Klose and Michael Ballack of Germany; Arjen Robben and Ruud van Nistelrooij of Holland; and Andriy Shevchenko of Ukraine. The question in my mind was, where can I find at least one or two these players?

Surprise, surprise! Indeed to my surprise, I found 6 of them in one team, including my Lampard. Chelsea. Chelski. The Blues. Now, I know that not only did I become one of the biggest lovers of football in the Philippines, I also became a true blue England and Chelsea fan. Loving football. Loving England. Loving Chelsea.

I may be unlike many people who have vivid chilhood memories of football- going to the live games at Stamford Bridge with their moms and dads or siblings or both, buying and wearing football kits until they wear out, screaming with other England/Chelsea fans to share the victory with each other- but I know one thing is for sure. When I'm old and aging, I will have my own share of that. Even if it all started when I was already out of college.

People, the journey of the late bloomer has just begun with England.

* * * * , MD= * * * * May Die.

2006-09-08T01:01:00.000+08:00

I thought it was so unprofessional of the doctor to badmouth the other one, even if it was just a joke. Though I doubt he was joking. He sounded like he was, but he didn't seem to be. He just confirmed my theory that some doctors would indeed say subtly nasty things about their co-doctors for the sake of gaining a wider patient-base. I might be overreacting but you be the judge.

Doctor A is the 'unprofessional' one. Doctor B is the victim.

Situations:
1. Doctor B charges a deadly initial fee for consultation. 1K? Nah. 2k? Higher. 3k? Just go up. 4K? Maybe but I won't tell okay? It just might be higher than 4k.

2. This doctor looks, how do I not make this sound gay, decent enough.

3. I suppose he's highly educated that he explains things in English, classroom style.

So I went to Doctor A this afternoon for a consultation. He learned that I visited Doctor B some time ago. He apparently knew how much the bloke charges people INITIALLY. He said it even before I did, actually without even having to ask me. He just blurted it out. And the issue here is that he said it in a manner that makes it sound like Doctor B charges such a high fee ALL THE TIME.

Then Doctor A starts 'making jokes' about (or is 'attacking' the more appropriate verb) Doctor B. In his words:

1. [Si Doctor B] Madaming naloloko (re: the fee). I am not 100% positive I heard this. But I think this wouldn't have sticked in mind if he didn't say it.

2. Dinadaan sa gwapo at pa-Ingles-Ingles.

The moment he said these things, once and for all, I thought, how unprofessional. At bakit, inggit ka kasi mukha kang witch doctor? O dahil hindi ka makasingil ng ganun kalaki? He seems to have some ethical issues; he seems to despise B. I understand there is competition amongst doctors. Fairly enough, these 2 doctors are popular in a way, always having a lot of people waiting outside their clinic. Yet I didn't find the need for him to utter those words, jokingly or not. For one, I don't need unsolicited advice about the other doctor I visit. Two, he just better shut up and do his job. Those two things were enough for me to cross him out of my options for the operation. So now, I'm just down to Doctor B.

Yes, I only have two options. And I am quite happy with Doctor B. This bloke works very neatly and gently. Quite far from how the witch doctor works. Goodness, he stuffed my nose as if my nostrils lead to empty passageways. EASY! SLOW DOWN! He made my nose bleed, got it irritated, I suppose, because the whole time I was traveling back, I felt uneasy I had to blow it soo many times, and it gave me a headache after. Those harsh hands shall never touch my nose uh-gain.

Should there be a nursing board exam retake?

2006-09-03T22:43:00.000+08:00

Yes. Only for those who passed.

I am not for it simply because I think cheaters never win. I mean, I also have friends who passed and while I don't doubt that they are clean, I am for it for some deeper reason. It took me a while to craft my own stand on the matter. It was only while I was watching some local show that I realized I haven't really given the issue some thought.

Now why am I for it? Three things: One, we're talking about saving lives here and precisely the reason why we're holding these board exams is to check the qualifications of people with whom we might entrust our lives at some later time. Imagine having to run to an unqualified nurse in the future. Unknowingly, she might be one of the 400 who undeservingly received their licenses. I guess that's a horrible thought- to find out that the person taking care of you doesnt really know what she's doing.

Two, quality, credibility and integrity are three primary issues at stake. We are aware of the global qualifications of the nurses Philippine universities produce. Many of them bow down to Filipinos' way of taking care of people. We are known to be producers of excellent caretakers. To set aside the issue of leakage in the previous board exam is to undermine the value of and compromise the QUALITY, for which we're known. In the same way, to set aside the subject matter is to reduce the credibility both of the nursing institutions (schools and other governing bodies involved) and our very own people. The fact is, we're already known to be dirty players. If they don't know it, at least we, ourselves, do.

To ignore what happened is to admit that cheating is already or is slowly becoming a part of every single aspect of a Filipino's life. It is to say that one day, it might become our way of life. And it's a shame. But it doesn't have to be that way. This is one area that we can be proud of. It would be shameful to allow the country's credible image to be just tainted by the wrongdoings of those unconscientious despicable people. Plus, think about our integrity. What would people make of this unfortunate controversy? At least, if we can't stand up and proudly say that Philippine politics is worth emulating, let this one single area be spared from the embarassment. If we can't be righteous the way we should be, at least, let us be righteous with this one.

Finally, I am for the retake because to let the cheaters escape is to say that what happened was okay. Not necessarily that it's right, but it's okay and that while the controversy is big enough to be investigated, they were still able to escape from punishment. Worse, this is to wave a green flag and say go to more cheating in the future. True it is costly to review again and unimaginable to spend several weeks of sleepless nights just rehashing and refurbishing on procedures and terminologies. But, it is most especially this last reason that pushes me to think a retake is a must. It is painful to be doubted of your capabilities especially when you thought you've already proven yourself. It's even more painful to go through the whole process again, study and spend several month's of your parents' earnings just to pay for a prep course.

I am not for the retake of everyone. That would be costly and plain stupid. Why let those who failed, regardless of whether they had access to the leakage or not, get a second chance? The fact is, they already failed. Maybe they can try again in the future if they think nursing really is their calling or most likely, if it is their way out of poverty but I don't think it is not the right time for them to take the test. The whole point of the retake is to verify whether the people who passed really deserved to pass.

Whether we do the retake or not, someone's bound to get hurt and someone's bound to protest. It's a given. Perhaps the only thing we're fighting for here is principle; and there are some facts we must face:

That cheating is never a course of action, more so a desperate measure.
That proving ourselves worthy of the small card to give us access to the green money is costly, but much sweeter in the end.
and
That sometimes, we also have to suffer for the mistakes of others.

But the scariest and most painful of it all? The retake retains the fact that failing is still a POSSIBILITY, no matter how clean and prepared you come.

On keeping my sanity

2006-09-03T19:55:00.000+08:00

As much as I'd like to tell new and exciting stories about my life, there's still none except the ones I've already ranted about before. Yes, I still DESIRE to go to England. I just realized (or maybe admitted) that the urge was further reinforced by my love for football. I mean, I couldn't have possibly stopped myself from feeling
even more strongly about wanting to be there. Could I? Maybe I could've. By not watching or reading about football. That way, I could start forgetting about football, then eeventually about England. When that time comes, I shall be... No, no, no. That just can't and wouldn't happen. Dream on.

LSAT test day is getting nearer. I have a little over a month to prepare. Please, reviewers, you must arrive on time. I didn't pay a thousand bucks just to get them a day or two after my test. URGENT! Preparing for the LSAT could get VERY freaky, especially knowing that the next 3-4 years of your academic life depends almost solely on that 4-hour test. You screw it up, you're doomed. The pressure is just a
killer. It's mostly like that when you don't seem to do well on the practice tests you do, while you think about how your grades in college weren't so stellar, thus leaving the LSAT almost your only chance of getting into your dream school. You must get better, you tell yourself. So you shut yourself to the rest of the world the whole night just to review. Review. Review. Thing is, I don't do that. I spend just 2 hours or so everyday reviewing. Is that enough? I hope so.

Now that I have football, I just realized, I feel more... normal and complete than I did before. I know, it's so whatever. But seriously. For a while, I thought, I was bordering on being abnormal for not having the slightest interest in sports while everybody else goes gaga over basketball, futsal, judo et al. The idea on 'abnormality' may be one way of trying to completely fit in. But I survived and made good friends in high school and college without sports. So the idea may not be a very good 'idea' at all. I thought for a while, I could survive without it. Now, it's the opposite. I couldn't survive without it. Not without football. Sheer exaggeration, I know but the hell do you care.

So my life right now revolves just around 3 things: School applications, LSAT, and football. The three are enough to keep me sane, ironically leading to insanity because of too much thinking, studying, and reading.

And then juggling them all together.

what i dont like about going to church

2006-09-03T19:54:00.000+08:00

1. long homily. it is long for me once it lasts longer than 10 minutes.

i think this is an easy way to discourage people to attend mass or at least, lose their attentiveness and just receive mumbling and whispering instead of grateful singing for the rest of the mass. and it's not really something the Church wants to happen.

2. priests who invent tune just to 'sing' prayers and blessings. this doesn't help especially when... ...there's such a thing as RECITING WELL. though singing is regarded as a higher form of praise, if it's like this, then please, spare us (or ME!) from having to listen to your sleep-inducing tune.

...it contributes to making the mass even more boring than it has already become after listening to the boring homily.

3. endless introduction of new church songs and reworking on the tunes of the old ones. i don't get why they have to constantly change the tunes people are already accustomed to. really. the introduction of new songs, at least, is more acceptable. but please stick with the old tunes!!!

4. people who walk SO sloooow going out of the church. hello!!! there are a lot of people who still have to look for a seat because the mass is about to start in 20 seconds (which should have been 5 minutes, only if it weren't for the priest who truly unneccesarily sang almost every line of prayer until the end of the mass, not to mention his uber long homily).

and this happens every single week. please, this is like the remaining evidence of my barely surviving christian faith. let it survive, at least if you care for your fella. talk less, sing the same songs, and walk faster!

ielts stupidity (iamstupid)

2006-09-03T19:52:00.000+08:00

it felt wonderful to step into edsa shang hotel. i was reminded once again of my extravagant luxurious dream of living in a hotel, even for just a couple of days. anyway, i was worried that coming from lucena with 3.5 hours allowance for travel time, i might arrive late for the ielts exam. i didn't. i was in fact very early at 8am. at least, that was the suggested time of arrival on the mailer they sent to ielts takers. the first thing i did upon arrival was register and deposit my cellphone to the baggage area at the 2nd floor. then i checked my seat number and assignment. all was done in about 15 minutes. with so much time to spare, i decided to walk around. good enough, the poolside was just outside the hall, close to where we're taking the test. so i walked around. (i wish i could swim. take that to mean 1. i want to go swimming and 2. i wish i KNEW how to swim.) despite the gloomy weather,
some kids and adults were enjoying the water. then a couple of guys were sun'-bathing (there's no sun friends!), one i even thought to be a woman because he had long hair and... man boobs. but when he looked up, ugh, he looked like a man in his late 30s. it only took me about 5-10 minutes to look around.

after, i went back inside and just sat on the couch. i saw some people sitting, a couple of them looked like they were also going to take the test. so i took them as signs, that once they stand up, it means that the test is about to start and therefore, i must stand up, too (and follow them). i waited and waited and waited. God knows how long i waited there. after a looong while, i thought to myself, "how could british council start late." i knew ive been waiting for more than 30 minutes and i was positive the test shouldve started then. so i stood up to ask if the test wasn't starting yet. nobody was outside. i was about to walk away to look for somebody else when to my right, i heard someone talking from one of the rooms. right beside the door, i saw the sign "ielts exam". shit, did they start already!??!!? i opened the door and there they were. people sitting down listening to the lady giving
but instructions. fuck. i came in a -minute- before the test started. i couldve missed the test. after being there so fucking early. stupid self, stupid.

what i thought about the test: stupidly easy, waste of money. or at least they charged way TOO much. a test that cost that much (P8640) shouldve been more difficult. though of course, i don't want that. :P so, they shouldve just charged LOWER. P5k wouldve been acceptable. anyway, the first part, listening, was the easiest (or was it the third, writing?). the reading was just tiiring. 3 long passages and you look for so many things, so you flip through and back to pages a
million times. after the test, i went back upstairs to pick up my phone. then this girl who was picking up her stuff, apparently was in the same room that i was. she smiled and said, muntik ka na malate noh? or was it, ikaw yung nalate noh? either way, i admitted it was me. and stupid enough, i had to explain my side, that i thought we were going to be called when the test is about to start and that i was waiting at the hall since 8am. i didn't owe her a friggin explanation!!!

in the afternoon, speaking, the last part, was done. 3 people were interviewed by 3 different people at the same time. while waiting outside, i got to chat with the 2 others waiting with me. funny enough, both were hoping to become nurses in the states. one was a doctor from nueva ecija, one was a nurse in tarlac. and yes, they're both following what everybody else is doing. although it was also sad to have such a first-hand experience of meeting people who are actually leaving to become nurses, work away from their families (the guy already has a family, 2 kids). and you know that they're leaving, as my friend pointed out, not because that's what they've always dreamt to become but because that's where money is. they're in it for the money. who knows that among the 100 other applicants, 80 more are leaving to become nurses abroad? after all, majority of those who took the test looked older.

incessant ranting

2006-09-03T19:51:00.000+08:00

leaving and studying abroad has always been an exciting and exhilirating thought for me. it was always a cause for a 'wow' reaction, both for me and for other people i tell it to. but after several times of putting limitations, my options are now just reduce to... two (2) cities. yes, not even states. cities. while both started out as SUGGESTIONS, they ended up being the constraint, which MUST be pursued. or else, screw this, i don't leave. and after all that, it's now difficult for me to see this as a wow-eliciting story.

my options are not very bad actually. but the thought of just having 6 options, six, 4 of which are mediocre schools (meaning 2 are not even in the rankings while the other 2 rank low), is a complete bummer. people who know me are aware of how much pride i hold about this whole studying/school issue. especially that i come from a top university. the idea of going to a mediocre school is, well, ridiculous. and the
only 2 reasons i'm holding on to those options (fyi, i was left with those 2 after hours of filtering the initial list...) are one, it's easier to get into one of them, given my stupidly and disappointingly low gpa and two, (on the basis of gpa requirements, lsat scores, passing rate for first time bar takers, and of course, average starting salary). i don't want to be mad about this whole being constrained
issue; i've been mad long enough and several times already. and it didn't change anything. but frustrations still remain.

and these are the reasons why:
1. again, options have been down to TWO cities, LA and San Diego.

please, not even SanFran?
2. initially i had about 14 options, which included fordham, georgetown, george washington, notre dame, UC hastings and UC davis.

now i'm down to 6. all from those 2 cities, two of which i've never heard of before.

i still want to leave. that will never change. but it's not as exciting anymore. i must first see celebrities before the excitement comes back. lol.

UK mis-advanture

2006-09-03T19:48:00.000+08:00

somewhere along the way, something's bound to go wrong. something's bound to obstruct in my plans. just being a lil over a month away from fulfilling a childhood dream, here comes the devil wagging its tail, telling me, i can't escape poor health. and for that, it seems that my childhood dream of stepping foot on to the british soil is... gone. all gone. it disappeared just 15 minutes ago when my dad told me of his
worry that given my poor health, surviving alone in the UK, with not a single relative to run to my rescue, is an issue bigger than i had once thought. in the states, we've got relatives and friends scattered all over... maybe i shouldve slept earlier tonight. that way, i couldve escaped it. and i could live another day thinking, i am going to england.

i see where my dad is coming from. i understand the worry of parents. but i guess what eludes me is, how fucking unlucky i am to be born with this [condition], which i'd have to bear for the rest of my life. how fucking disappointing and frustrating it is to be deprived of the chance to live the dream i once thought was already on hand. one [more] month of waiting and i'm there. one fucking month. i know that when i wake up tomorrow, i will be much more disappointed than i am now. it still hasn't sunk in. but soon, it will. the two times that i have conditioned/re- into thinking i am going to the states, then to England to finally taste the sweetness of waking up to a surreal moment, unexpectedly are to be followed by a third one, a bitter and undesired reconditioning that i am back to where i started.

the US isn't a bad place. but it is just totally different when for a month and a half, you've led yourself into believing that you're headed somewhere you've always wanted to be and you've dumped the idea of being in the US. conditioning isn't so bad when things go your way. but the moment you realize they're not, fuck it. all you could think about is how life is so fucking unfair, that you sure do wish somebody else was sick instead of you, that somebody else who never lived a single day dreaming of leaving had to deal with a fucking stupid poor health, that you who are full of hopes and dreams could just live the perfect normal life, that somebody else who deserves to screw up screws up, that somebody else who doesn't deserve anything just get all the shits, instead of you, you, YOU!

im just at a loss for words. i guess this is my primary experience of the world being hell fucking unfair. i am just utterly, utterly disappointed. almost at the boundary of being mad at how things are. and fuck, i dont care that im wishing somebody else had to deal w this situation or even somebody who deserved to die was dead. i just really don't understand why things always have to go against my way. and deprive me of that one single chance which i know willl make me completelyyyy happy.

-----------------------------------------------

Talk about wasted opportunity:

Dear Adriaan Tan,

Your recent email inquiry concerning entry to study Law has been referred to the School of Law by the International Office. Currently there are some vacancies for entry to the law degree course commencing late September 2006. This is a most unusual development. As a graduate in Management and Finance with a GPA above 3.0 you would be in a strong position to qualify for an offer of a place. Normally all applicants must sit National Law Admissions test to qualify for entry. However at this late stage of the admissions cycle I can grant you exemption from this requirement for entry to Nottingham for late September.

If you wish to apply for an offer I suggest that you email your CV with full details of your academic record and including any evidence of your linguistic ability in English.

God knows how frustrated I got for getting this email. That's Nottingham baby, Top7 in the UK. And I'm left with no choice but to let it go. Damn, damn, damn!

-------------------------------------------------

Talk about waste opportunity. part 2.

Subject heading: Book Your Cardiff University Accommodation Here!!!

Dear Adriaan Kervin Tan (0642445),

Congratulations on receiving an [unconditional] offer of a place to study at Cardiff
University. In enrolling as a student at Cardiff you will become a member of a university with teaching and research of world class status. You will also have the opportunity to live in a vibrant and welcoming capital city that is an affordable place to live, with costs more than 2% below the national average in the UK.*

At Cardiff, we understand the importance that international students place on residences and are proud to be one of the very few universities in the UK that can offer all international students a single occupancy place in university residences for the duration of your course.

Cramming at its finest.

2006-09-03T19:45:00.000+08:00

Nobody from our family is a lawyer. I will be the first if given the chance to take up and complete law. Coming from a family of businessmen, I grew up thinking that I myself would become one. My Business Management degree from the Ateneo, I thought, confirmed my supposed destiny. Yet in my last year in college, as I screened out and reflected on my values, I realized that doing business is not so much my interest as law is. I did well in my chosen degree. But I didn’t find my happiness there. It was at that moment when I thought, maybe I am meant to follow a path different from what everybody else from my family has taken. Reasons, therefore, are personal rather than genetic.

My reasons range from the shallow to the deep. They’re shallow simply
because I took interest in watching legal shows and movies as a sign of interest in law. Whether it was the ridiculous scenes in Ally McBeal or the courtroom dramas in The Practice or Boston Legal, I sure did take pleasure seeing them. Even the legal jargons used in these shows or movies like Legally Blonde and Runaway Jury, I found pleasure hearing. On the other hand, while the works of John Grisham are the only books dealing with legal matters I’ve read, I consider them few of the best. Not because they were hard to put down, but instead due to the mental images they created in my head. I would take great pleasure to take part or be a witness to one of the situations Mr. Grisham has created.

A more self-centered, though deeper, reason for wanting to take up law would be my desire to improve my argumentation and critical thinking skills. Taking part in a moot or even in a self-debate would definitely contribute a lot to those goals. Being a lawyer provides the best avenue to develop such skills. Apart from the shows and movies that I enjoy seeing, I also take pleasure in keeping myself updated on the current political situation of our country as well as the others. However, in many instances, I have found myself groping for legal information just so I could more thoroughly understand and form a stronger opinion on the matters being
discussed. It is only by studying law will I be able to form that stronger and much acceptable and fairer opinion about something and someone.

Perhaps what would qualify as the biggest and deepest reason behind my desire to study law would be my yearning to be of service to people on a more personal level. Having compared being a businessman to being a lawyer, I have come to the realization that the fulfillment one gets as a lawyer is deeper and far more personal than as a businessman. While the latter’s impact on the lives of people may be wider, whether through the distribution of household materials, clothes or food, I still believe that the former creates a more lasting impact, while also setting aside the idea of how much earnings one gets from the job. While businesses benefit more people in general, it is still difficult to ignore that one business functions and survives on the idea of gaining profits rather than of rendering service to the public.

Furthermore, the hard work one exerts for someone in order to win his case, whether that person was the victim or the sinner, bears a much sweeter fruit in the end. Thinking about the responsibility and reliance I get from someone who is in dire need of being saved from incarceration or
financial distress is enough to motivate me to spend days, weeks or even months just to answer to that person’s legal needs. While this may be seen as yet another issue of personal fulfillment, without a doubt it still creates a deep impact on the life of the person seeking for the lawyer’s services.
I am one person who likes taking charge, having responsibilities and more importantly, getting the work done then winning. It is in these values that I see myself suitable for the profession.

Now while I can study law here in the Philippines or
the United States, I chose England instead. As a kid, I’ve dreamt of being there someday. I have always envisioned the country as lovely- lovely buildings, love people, and lovely atmosphere. Until now, it still remains a childhood dream and my decision to take up law there brings me a step closer to fulfilling that dream. Irrational as it may sound, I seem to have formed an attachment to the country. Maybe it’s as simple as being a big fan of the country’s national football team or maintaining the childhood images I had of it.

But it could also be as complex as, well, retaining the inexplicable personal attachment I’ve formed throughout the years.

On a more practical note, the cost of education in England is much cheaper than in the US while the quality may be at par or even better. While the cost of living is much more expensive, I believe that this can easily be recuperated the moment one earns in the same currency; only several years of work should be enough. Lastly, my decision to study in England is my decision to veer away from the path many Filipinos have decided to take- the bandwagon of acquiring higher education in the
US. The country has become overly Americanized that many automatically limit their options for leaving and studying to the US; but I may be wrong. I guess it’s just time that more people take a look at what England has to offer. And I am doing it.

hope. gratitude. commitment.

2006-09-03T19:44:00.000+08:00

it's only a matter of things falling into place.

while as a kid, i have dreamt of leaving for another country, staying there for long and not some short 2-week vacation, i never thought of it as possible. for me, it was just a dream and was gonna stay that way perhaps until i myself have earned a lot here that i can already afford to fulfill that dream.

it is moments like this that i am thankful to be blessed with so many things, especially a supportive family. not to jinx, but i think that dream is slowly unveiling. again, with the hopes that things would fall into place. nevermind that i would have to leave not to live an extravagant life, vacationing. nevermind that i would have to leave to face the books again for the next 4-5 years (and go crazy reading them). if it all means finally being where i've always wanted to be, then it's not bad at all.

there's just too much going on right now. a fusion of fear, excitement, and happiness. there is and always will be the fear of how it would be like to live alone, to be away from the people i've grown up with, and of failure. there is excitement because it would mean opening myself up to a completely new world, new things, something which i would never experience living here. and there's happiness simply because again, it was a childhood dream.

i am a believer of jinx, of unfortunate events, of bad luck. but i hope and i'd like to think that being too fixated on this would mean not allowing anything stand in the way. and this isnt the time to believe in such negative forces. i would just cause the own demise of a dream.

i am thankful that this is slowly happening. and while waiting, i am also hopeful. hopeful of the best of what's to come and hopeful that everything turns out well and good. and if they do, i commit to give back to the people who have made all that possible. because i also am a believer of karma.

confused s%&!

2006-09-03T19:43:00.000+08:00

I am hell confused. I need to consult.

Source of confusion 1:

Bellerbys says: Take the A-levels or the Foundation Programme. That could easily guarantee your entry to the top institutions.

Brit Council says: You dont need the Foundation Programme. You already
have a degree.

I say: A-levels? Thats 2 more years on top of the 3 years for my 2nd degree! Foundation Programme? Brit Council says I don't need it anymore!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

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Source of confusion 2:

Soton says: You don't need the foundation programme. A degree of a good standing from a good school is acceptable.

Man says: ______________________________________

LSE says: A year in the university is good enough. But look for work experience. That would show you're serious about it.

Belai says: The Brunei girl didn't have prior experience. But she's a genius.

I say: I'm not.

shut up.

2006-09-03T19:42:00.000+08:00

fear of failure serves as an effective wake up call. i know it is for many of us. failing seems to be the most dreadful thing we could ever face. whether it is failure in a test. or failure in achieving a goal. or even failure in personal relationships. whatever form it is, it's just something that always can make us stop and think about things again.

i wouldn't deny that i am a very confident person in many ways. i may not be the most brilliant person you'll ever meet but i believe i exude the aura of a confident person everytime i walk into a room. (and i'm not blowing my horn; just read on.) i believe that sometimes i could be too confident, to the point that i already sound discriminating or cocky, or both. but i wouldnt deny that the fear of failure is
something which never fails to remind me where i started, who and how i should somehow be.

it's my most recent dig for an adventure that led me to this realization. back in high school, as i was applying for the top universities here in the philippines and despite my very good academic records, it still never failed to bug me countless times how i could end up in one of the mediocre schools out there. (no offense to
whoever's reading this who thinks they came from a mediocre school.)

that would be my failure to live up to the expectations of friends and family to get into the top university in the country. it was the very first moment where my confidence sort of plunged. i knew that despite being on top my class, i could still fail all of the admissions tests i took given the fact that i came from the province, which means that the quality of education isnt as high as the one in manila (a small fish in a big pond) and that... you just cant tell whats gonna happen. it was a
threat to my self, to my being. failing would mean a big blow to me ego- that all the awards i reaped would be worthless. countless nights i prayed and prayed and prayed that i pass at least one of the tests i took. God was so good He got me into the four instis. the moment i found out i passed one of the four, my worries vanished. my confidence went to live again.

but now, i seem to be facing an even bigger challenge. if before, entering college wasn't really a competition (since i believe these universities don't set a quota for the number of students they would accept), this time, it IS a competition. and if before, i was only competing against 9,000 other students from all over the country, whose qualifications might not really be as high as the accepted applicants, this time, despite the lower number of competitors, it is still tougher. this is already a battle against 2000-3000 for just 150-200 slots. it may be a smaller pool of applicants. but it is the pool of HIGHLY QUALIFIED applicants. from all over the world. if confidence were the sole basis of getting accepted, then i'm sure as hell i could get into my dream school. however, sadly, it is not. it's not even a factor. or an additive. grades and a lil more are the bases. and it is at this point where i start thinking and questioning myself, can i still achieve what i have achiever four years back when i got into the top 4 universities in the country? going back to where i started, i know i am a confident person, a very confident one at that. but it is
things like this, the uncertainty of things with which we don't have control over, and the fear of failure that scares the hell out of me. another could be ego-crushing event. it is things like those that bring me back to make a reality check: i am just a small fish in a big pond.

and i guess that's enough to shut me up.

Schadenfreude

2006-09-03T19:41:00.000+08:00

i have only seen 5 episodes max of boston legal, one of which i have seen twice. the second time was tonight. and though i am quite sure i would find more interesting and hilarious episodes in the future, this second episode of season 2's got to be one of the best they will ever have. here's why:

(Alen Shore defends Kelly Noulan, a widow, for being accused of murdering her own husband. Her cold-bloodedness all throughout served as the main 'evidence' of the prosecution to put her behind bars. despite the police's and investigators' crossing out any other possibility for the killer except her, despite the absence of any
evidence to condemn her, and their plan to completely rely on their pre-conceived notion that she did it, which by common sense would be all lacking, inapproriate and unjust, it seemed that her call to 911, which showed no emotion of a woman just widowed by her man, was enough to end this case. her own testimony didn't elicit a single drop of tear from her own eyes. she remained cold as a still life. but as always, the ingenious Alen Shore comes to the rescue.)

Schadenfreude. From the german words schaden and freude. damage and joy. it means to take spiteful malicious delight in the misfortune of others. we used to dismiss this as simply an ugly side of human nature. but it's much, much more than that. recently, a stanford professor actually captured Schadenfreude on a brain scan. it's a physiological medical phenomenon.
when we see others fall, it sometimes causes a chemical to be released in the dorsal striatum of the brain, which actually causes us to feel pleasure. if you watch the news or read the papers, which of course you dont, because the judge said not to but if you did, you will see the undeniable delicious joy of the media and the public over kelly noulan's plight. i have no doubt that you want kelly noulan to be punished. she married for money. she had an affair. she carried on naked in the pool with her boyfriend. she's cold, materialistic, unlikable. and it might bring you all pleasure to see her go to jail. but as for evidence to establish that she committed a muder beyond all reasonable doubt, it just isn't there. the only possible route to a
guilty verdict here is Schadenfreude.

Brilliant. Just plain brilliant.

Quick Fix

2006-09-03T19:39:00.000+08:00

i've already given both lasalle and other people the time to feast on my last blog entry. 19 comments. that was a record for this blog. that and the sudden outpour of messages on my tagboard only means one thing: the trick to attract people to visit your blog is to bash other schools. that could never fail. somewhere, somehow, someone would always buy it. school bashing is always such a hot topic among loyalists. whether the subject of argument is stupid or not; in this case the former. and for such a stupid thing, expect even the stupidest retorts. all for the sake of staying true to their alma mater.

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my encounter with the fray's how to save a life and the rest of their beautiful music was by accident and therefore, unexpected. a friend couldn't download how to save one time so as a favor, i did, for her. it wasnt until several days after that i listened to what i downloaded for her. the band serves as a breather from the already saturated alternative genre. they sound good and fresh and are catchy. some
alternative music, while already lighter than rock, could still sound noisy and irritating to the ears. this band doesn't. so listen to them, highly recommended.

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GMA's SONA was the longest she's given. nevermind the word count; it was just the longest. according to gma 7's debate last night, on average, she's able to accomplish 92% of her plans. not bad for a president who's been incessantly plagued and haunted by her own doings. and that's one reason i'm still sticking with her and her corrupt
administration- her competence to execute, even the most unpopular of decisions. i still haven't found the better alternative. i am not really swayed by the countless people who just whine day and night how they don't feel their lives are getting any better, that their government is not working on their yearnings, that GMA must be replaced by someone who 'truly' cares for them. (bring back to life FPJ, you say?)

both these people and the opposition make me laugh. all they blab about is getting better. i dont laugh at them per se, but at what they want to happen and how SOOON they want it to happen. they're looking for a QUICK FIX. or a more hopeful term, miracle. sadly, there ain't none of that for their problems. imagine how many people live in this country and what part of that population seeks to be 'blessed'. and they all want to be a tad better off overnight. fine, over 2 nights. people, it doesn't work like that. you are asking the government to spend all the collected money on you. it takes a little waiting and more wanting. it hurts but that's how it is. GMA might have laid down a thousand and one promises in her last, hour-long SONA. they sound all sweet and nice.

and i know you're already condemning her for again a long list of projects that don't include you Juan or Juanita. and by now you're thinking, what do i get from the gazillion infrastructure projects? NADA! well well, just wait until you pass by one of the roads connecting your town to where you're headed and see how convenient it
has become for you and your family.

and you want the price of oil to be brought down? protest on iran, iraq and the other middle east countries for waging war on each other! even the US for being such an epal! blame israel and hezbollah too! the government is just following the dictates of the world market and the stupidities of the other warfreaks! government is not to be blame, at least not completely.

the government is working. but don't forget it is only composed of limited human beings. so please, don't ask for a quick fix. only He can do that. so just stay hopeful.

and just hush people, hush.

simple joys

2006-09-03T19:38:00.001+08:00

philippines ranks as the 17th happiest country in the world. after other south american countries if i'm not mistaken. if there was one thing i admire about the filipinos, it's their ability to create and endure laughter amidst the desperation- desperation to get by their poverty-stricken lives, desperation to see some reforms enacted by the government, even desperation to drive the president out of the palace.
the admiration comes from being a witness to their ability to act as if their problems were not there. as life was just plain fun, with nothing to worry about.

these people resort to the overabundance of unintelligible, shallow (and stupid) comedy shows available in the boob tube. stupid as they may be, this seems to be only one of the few effective ways that they can escape from the harsh, unjust world they live in. after several hours of indulgence, they engage in personal conversations, making chismis, talking about each other's lives. the who's who, the who shagged who, the who beat who and more. and then they laugh at them. it's funny how they can find something to laugh about in even the smallest of things. things which might not even be funny. they chuckle, giggle, and laugh their hearts out. apparently, this becomes an automatic response for these people. they don't wake up each day thinking, what should i laugh about. it just comes automatic. just like how business people think about their businesses the moment they open their eyes.

call them escapists. but if it's the only free means to survive, then by all means, let them be.

call them desperate. but if that's how life treats them, then, let them be.

call them shallow. but if that's the only way they can find meaning in life, then, just let them be.

at least the simple joys of life are enough for them to live out their lives.

Yo Momma!

2006-09-03T19:38:00.000+08:00

Yo momma's so fat it takes a year to download her picture
Yo momma's so fat on a scale of 1 to 10 she's a 747
Yo momma's so fat she entered a fat contest and won first second and

third
Yo momma's so fat she gets clothes in three sizes: extra fat, jumbo,

and ohmygoditscomingtowardsus!
Yo momma's so fat when she auditioned for a part in Indiana Jones she

got the part as the big rolling ball

Yo momma's so ugly her pillow cries at night
Yo momma's so ugly her reflection in the mirror ducks
Yo momma's so ugly just after she was born her momma said "What a

treasure!" and her father said "Yes,lets go bury it!"
Yo momma's so ugly she made a blind man cry
Yo momma's so ugly that if ugly were an Olympic event she would be the

dream team
Yo momma's so ugly that she went to an ugly contest and they said,

"Sorry, no professionals!"
Yo momma's so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday
Yo momma's so ugly they put her face on a poster for abstinence

Yo momma's so old she was a waitress at the last supper
Yo momma's so old that when God said let the be light she hit the

switch
Yo momma's so old that when she was in school there was no history

class

Yo momma's so dumb when I told her to squeal like a pig she said Moo
Yo momma's so dumb the worst six years of her life were grade three
Yo momma's so dumb if you gave her a penny for her thoughts you'd get

change
Yo momma's so dumb she thought if she woke up fast enough she could see

her self sleeping
Yo momma's so dumb she spent 30 minutes lookin at an orange juice box

because it said concentrate
Yo momma's so dumb she ordered a cheese burger from McDonalds and said,

"Hold the cheese!"
Yo momma's so dumb she couldn't read an audio book
Yo momma's so dumb she couldn't tell which way an elevator was going if

I gave her two guesses

hahahaha. good one.

Call Center Applicant

2006-09-03T19:37:00.000+08:00

my blog's starting to get filled with nonsense stuff. but nonsense doesn't mean not funny right? so on top of recently made popular "keys me", here's one that's even... more hilarious and.... i dont wanna say it. i'm gonna be mean again. just read what's written and you can complete my sentence yourself.